New Year’s Resolution

I am not a fan of establishing New Year’s Resolutions unless I have the determination and willpower to see them thru…after all, I do not like to intentionally set myself up for failure. This year, however, there are a few items I am going to diligently work on…or at least master a new record for time attempted and/or accomplished.

No worries, I will not be the one to drive by the new jogger on January 1, 2019, with the song “Eye of the Tiger” blasting from my vehicle for encouragement.

TOP 22 NEWS YEARS RESOLUTIONS

1. No more Horses! This #1 priority needs no explanation and I will see this one thru to the fullest extent.
2. No more Homestead additions! My Ark inventory is at the lowest it has been in quite a few years and I have vowed that I will not replace a family member when it is their time to “cross over”.  Well, that is not until I come face to face with that cute irresistible little bunny that will cuddle under your chin while tickling your cheeks with their whiskers. Ok, maybe I can have one rabbit when I retire and travel the country with my “Glamping Sisterhood”.
3. I will not wear flip flops to do barn chores…that is unless I want a matching reminder on my other foot why this practice should be banned and outlawed forever. This one should be relatively easy…at least for the remaining wet, winter months…
4. I will no longer feel compelled to send a photo of horse poop to my vet when it looks “off”.
5. I will no longer get annoyed when the horse poops as soon as I clean their stall. After all, in todays world of colic episodes one should feel grateful that they poop at all. If you don’t see the humor in this one, consider yourself fortunate if you have not been on “poop patrol” when there is reason to believe your horse is a little under the weather.
6. I will clean my tack more often – I mean really clean my tack – not just using a baby wipe for that instant gratification.
7. I will clean the washer and dryer immediately after washing horse clothing…NOT…after I put a load of laundry on just to realize my previous bout of procrastination. Trust me, you will only sleep on sheets with itchy horse hairs stuck throughout the thread count ONCE…you will never repeat this offense again when you look and feel like you have encountered the worst case of bed bugs ever!
8. I will not swear when I go to look for the eighth hoof pick purchased in two weeks. What is up with the mystifying disappearance of hoof picks? Ok, admittedly, I have left a hoof pick on the stall door ledge once or twice BUT really??? I can’t wait to come across the stockpile of hoof picks I have lost track of…I may as well win the lottery!
9. Do not wait until your gloves have a hole in 9 fingers before breaking out your change purse for a replacement pair.
10. Do not complete barn chores in the new pair of riding boots you coughed up your life savings for. Granted, I have been working on this one for a few months now. But let’s get real…by the time you ride, change riding boots to muck boots, hose off a sweaty horse and pick their stall before returning them to a clean dwelling, change back into riding boots from muck boots you will be replacing/repairing zippers and/or snaps before you get to your 3rd or 4th mount on week 2. I thought boot slickers would resolve this dilemma but they are just as agonizing since I have to remove them to get my heel above the zipper and out of the boot.
11. Always have a spare set of clipper blades on hand when you Body Clip a horse.
12. Always wear clothes that hair will not stick to when Body Clipping. As bad, if not worse than #7.
13. Always clean out your vehicle before a non-horsey person enters. This includes all sweaty saddle pads, various jackets for layering in different weather conditions, shake the floor mats that are lined with shavings, remove decaying carrots and apples that you forgot to give your horses, horse catalogues soiled with spilled coffee, the moldy leather halter you keep forgetting to drop off at the leather repair shop, old dirty/sweaty/smelly socks you ditched with the boots for the flip flops to run that quick errand on the way home.
14. Never wear shorts and paddock boots into the grocery store. This will certainly be the day you run into everyone you know. While I created the grunge look and could care less that I look like a homeless person, my mother has actually pretended (quite realistically, I might add) that she did not know me…AND complained to the clerk that I was stalking her when I was trying to get her attention. True Story!
15. Remove all boots, spurs, chaps, helmet and whip before going into a lingerie shop to pick up that last minute Bridal Shower gift (because you were waiting on the Farrier). If ever I had a talent, it was the time I convinced retail personnel that I was running late from the barn…and…NO, I was not part of a bachelorette party surprise but rather, I was attending a bridal shower once I got home, cleaned up and changed clothes. True story, except for the whip…I did manage to put it away before leaving the barn.
16. Create a hairstyle that compliments a sweaty helmet head…or sport a baseball cap…when leaving the barn in case you are in a fender bender. You will want to look somewhat intelligent when trying to explain to other driver that they were at fault when you rear ended them.  After all, it was not your fault that you were looking for your phone beneath all the barn paraphernalia in the vehicle…just to hear your hungry child wanting to know when you would be home.
17. Always feed your child before horse. Better yet, make certain their first responsibility is to know how to safely open a can of Vienna Sausage if they become emaciated from starvation.
18. Wash your face before going to bed…even after late nights at the barn. FYI: you can actually spritz your face with mineral water over day old makeup for work the next morning after tending to a sick horse until 2AM…this tactic should only be good for one day at a time.
19. Make sure the front room of your house is AT LEAST 50% as clean as your horse’s stall for those unsuspecting and unexpected visitors. No need to worry about the rooms behind closed doors. Remove the rooster from the chandelier, if necessary (yes, my youngest would sneak the rooster into the house when she was younger). Don’t worry about the domestic rodents, as you will not have to worry about guests outstaying their welcome when the ferret runs under their feet chasing the chinchilla. They will suddenly remember they have a roast in the oven…lol.
20. Play tourist when you make the “once a summer venture to the beach” with a farmer’s tan. No need to explain that you only live 1/2 a block from the beach but your spare time is rather spent at the barn.
21. Try to keep a pair of barn shoes (that don’t smell like packed sardines) in your vehicle for those emergency runs to meet the vet from work. Never mind that they will not compliment a corporate suit…the vet will appreciate your effort to assist while they perform the menial task of observing your described “something just seems off today” behavior with the horse.
22. Do yourself a favor…if you use wraps/bandages/boots on a horse for a specific purpose, do not skip routine on a rainy day just because it will save you a load of laundry. This will be the day he will surely slip in the mud. Better to have a safe, sound horse than to worry about tending to gear that will need cleaning/washing after riding.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ————