The Glorified Nanny

As I arrived at the barn early this morning, I noticed patrons loading up the trailer in the dark in preparation for departure by daylight. This week, their destination would be Tryon…last week it may have been Ocala…in another week’s time, they may be off for Jacksonville. Between the Dressage competitions and Horse Shows, Allie spends a great deal of time on the road…not to mention her daily riding/training/lesson schedule at home. While I do not envy the schedule she keeps, I do envy the stamina and energy she has.  At my age and this juncture in my life, I can only reminisce about the vitality and passion I once possessed for “keeping the roads hot”. This sparks an inspiration for Homestead Memoirs…WHY I AM HAPPY TO BE AN AMATEUR .

While Allie is fantastic in her 24/7 role/capacity as Barn Manager and Trainer for the 64 stall equine facility (a super hero would be a better description), I much prefer the less superior role of the naïve, simple, unsophisticated life of an amateur.

• Let’s start where the inspiration for this blog begins. For many years, I delved into the routine of preparing for shows and/or events. For the younger soul, bathing, clipping, cleaning tack, packing, hauling horses, setting up at show grounds, schooling, putting on your custom boots at 4am before your feet hit the ground and fluid would begin to fill your lower legs, showing, braiding/unbraiding, finding an army of unsuspecting souls to pry your boots off your swollen, numb legs 12 hours later, loading and unloading again, unpacking, etc…were all tasks that called for youthful dedication, enthusiasm and energy.
• With each passing year and each off-site event, my enthusiasm began to curb and wane until that day I was pulling out of the driveway (headed to a show) when I expelled a grunt and sigh of exhaustion that only turning around was going to relieve.
• I have no inclination to upgrade my horses or move up to the next division (the next division in my life would require a shovel and tombstone). Besides, my 3-4 figure horses are quite sufficient for keeping the so called amateur engaged in the lower class sector of the horse commune
• I have no desire to “fancify” my tack. My 45 year old Prix Des Nation suffices just fine…and I would not know how to ride with comforts of knee pads, deep seat and all the bells and whistles of securing your seat and legs in place. Granted, my saddle looks like it has endured a few battles and has had multiple repairs thru the years but it has earned it’s keep until the day it finally disintegrates into atmospheric particles.
• When you attend the occasional show and discover you are the only rider wearing chaps and paddock boots. Everyone else is sporting the breeches and tall boots for schooling purposes. There it is…the feeling that you have arrived in a futuristic world via time machine.
• Look in awe as you witness a fellow boarder place a cut-off fishnet stocking on their head. You realize that you may not be the only one with a doctrine in DIY solutions. Witnessing the look of awe on your face, this fellow boarder exclaims, these hair nets are the BOMB! Gone are the days trying to configure the microscopic hair nets…thank you Kelly for this update!
• Your trainer gasps when you show up at the show ring in your brown Harry Hall coat from the Victorian Era.  You realize that you have committed one of the worst fashion faux pas since your last show. You try and explain that the longer tails and sleeves in an era gone by, are better tailored to your longer torso and arms. To no avail, he/she utters under breath (as  face color continues to intensify)…Black or Navy!!! But…what happened to grey, green, brown, tweed and royal?
• When you arrive at the barn for that occasional leisure ride when a fellow boarder asks if you ride western. You realize you must have returned a puzzled look to the question because the fellow boarder points out that only western riders wear chaps.
• Several weeks later, you are completely stunned when your chaps zipper breaks…you know… that custom made pair that arrived on the Mayflower several decades ago. Instead of replacing the prehistoric chaps, you decide to merge with updated times and go the breeches and tall boots route. At least this will eliminate the inquisitive look you get when your alien spaceship arrives at the barn.
• You have gained some sense of pride when you arrive at the barn the next day in breeches and tall boots. As you prance in with the BTDT attitude, your bubble is about to burst when a boarder from a younger generation points out that they have never seen orange breeches before! Your shattered ego replies: ” the color is called rust – not orange – and I will have you know that these were my show breeches before you were born”!
• When another boarder from a younger generation remarks that they LOVE the color of your riding helmet!  Without thinking, you precede to tell her that it is the same color as hers. No, it is no longer new fresh shiny black velvet…and it certainly does not have that “bling thing” on the front. True it did come in on the same ship as my saddle and chaps…perhaps faded down to a light gray and the bling on my helmet is the rust encircling the snaps/buttons.
• When the visitor walks thru and asks what kind of horse you have? You reply with “first generation mutts”. Besides they will not know what Hanoverian means anyway. Preferred response will save you some time in explaining to the no-horsey person what horsey terms mean.
• The purpose in blogging is to embrace honesty… So let’s be brutally honest here. I dread seeing a visiting group approaching the barn(s). I spend all day in the tourist/hospitality industry. Therefore, my time spent at the barn is my therapeutic time away from tourists. When I spot that undeniable look of uneducated horse people approaching, I walk (or run) the other way. I will peer around the corner to watch and wait for their departure before I resume my affairs. There I said it…call me rude or impolite…but I call it preserving my sanity 🙂 I realize that visitor was me 4 decades ago but I am older now and have earned my right to be that grumpy old lady.
• When you return to the occasional show as a much older patron, you have a renewed appreciation for that ribbon that cost the host $1.69…especially considering your expenses for getting to the show ring cost 590 times that amount.
• Never mind that you have been awarded a red ribbon when there were only 2 exhibitors in the class. You spent 600 times the effort to get to that point than you did 2-3 decades ago.
• As a senior in the equine sport, I have earned my place as the fair weather rider. The days of the die-hard dedication of participating in the sport during monsoons, hail, snow, tornadoes (Roanoke) & hurricanes are long gone. If I decide the light breeze is blowing in the opposite direction one day, I reserve the right to go home, instead, to relish the light breeze drinking a glass of wine on my porch.
• I do try and keep the excuses to a minimum, however. If I linger to chat with a fellow boarder for too long, I loose all motivation for riding. If I miss one day of riding, it may take me a week to find the motivation for riding again.
• Additionally, I have to keep the rhythm going or the energy dies. Some days, I find myself riding to my limit and struggle to find half that momentum the very next day. Therefore, I have learned to find a balance of commitment without 100% commitment. I will ride a few of several one day and the opposite few of several the next day.
• “Wow…nice horses…do you show”? 
• “No…all my money goes into feeding the horses”
• “Why so many?”
• “Well, that one is 26 and retirement is knocking at her door…that one will have to retire with her since they are joined at the hip and she only has 50% breathing capacity…that one is younger and once again gives me the opportunity to work with a green one…that one is green also but a little older and is here to teach the younger one that she is not allowed to incapacitate owner in any way if she wishes to eat ever again (caddiness sets in)
• “What does green mean”?
• “Uh…I have to step around the corner for a moment” 
• Learn to laugh at yourself…this will become a full time job for amateurs
• Learn when and how to solicit junior riders to ride your mount when necessary. No compensation necessary, as most dedicated junior riders thrive on the mileage and experience of riding different horses…even the bouncy ones that jar your ribs into your esophagus. You can save your back and with any luck may live long enough to welcome your grand children into the world (another generation of riders for the trainers with longevity)
• Heed the advice from your trainer to have a glass of wine prior to your ride. Just make certain you don’t overdue it since you will have multiple courses to remember.
• Present a smile and conceal the chattering teeth when the trainer arrives to the ring in his golf cart at 7am and the temps are barely hovering above freezing. Try and ignore the fact that he is sitting on heated seats, wrapped in wool coolers and sipping on his divinely warm coffee. If you cannot muster the charm to ignore the delight he takes in sacrificing this time slot for you…at least forgo the temptation to ask why he did not bring the Ocala Daily with him? He may just reply …”because watching you is far more entertaining than any comic section…”.
• When a trainer cannot be found anywhere on the show grounds…check the Amateur ring. Trainers tend to congregate there for a dose of humor while riders are on course…But… have this innate ability to regain composure as riders exit the ring.
• You can use your amateur status to  “get out of jail free” due to a monumental mistake. The rewards can be as significant as using your senior citizen discounts!
• Ditto for stupidity…Amateurs can really use this card to their advantage! After all,  you are an amateur…you are not supposed to know everything…I certainly don’t and don’t even pretend to!
• Instructors need to know that in order to have a successful relationship with the Amateur rider, you must know: (1) that we are adults…not juniors (2) juniors are wired to listen (3) Juniors have not established fears (4) juniors are more flexible when they hit the ground (5) juniors have no idea how much cash goes into lessons, horses, shows, gear, etc…(6) adults are not going to be as accepting of the remark “suck it up”. They have spent the first 1/2 century doing just that, including bearing the juniors which – in most cases – need to hear those humbling words. (7) some adult riders have human dependents at home which may enhance their conservative approaches (8) Realize that a lot of adult female riders are playing checks and balances with their hormones during senior years. Therefore, approach with caution if Helen Keller managed to get 2 strides thru the in-and-out. Better yet, be equipped with a box of Kleenex…or worse, be prepared to duck under the judges stand to avoid the most insane and outrageous display of dragon breathing fire ever recorded
• If you are feeling uncertain about attempting the Ami-Owner classes in the mud slide that day, cancel your classes and gather with your more than humble sisterhood under the covered spectator stand. You can sip on a glass of wine as you digest the loss of your hard earned savings on preserving yourself and your beloved horse for another day. I am not even certain that a death certificate will allow for cancellation without penalty. Drink another glass of wine as you begin to sympathize with your fellow competitors for the horrendous weather but take delight in the more conservative path you chose to take. HINT: Season pass for alcoholic beverages would probably prove to be more economical due to all of the potential need for wine at riding engagements.
• If your mounts do not need to see the jumps before your division, opt to hack on the perimeter grounds if allowed. Schooling with 50 Professionals and Juniors in the same ring is a disaster in the making. Pros and Juniors have a quicker response mechanism than the senior fossil. Same concept as driving 40 mph in Atlanta…it becomes not a question IF you will be run over…But…WHEN you will be run over.
• I have no problem asking for help. I know the Olympics are not in my future and I know I am not making any money on this passion. I try and soak up all of the information while I can until the next opportunity presents itself.

Hello, my name is Trina and I am proud to be an Amateur Owner and Rider…