Although one can find a great deal of quotes and memes about hurricanes, this is a take on my personal experiences dodging hurricanes through the years…
READY: This is the preparation phase.
- First and foremost, strap your headgear on, it is going to be a bumpy ride.
- You will feel there is a glitch in the matrix, where fate and destiny are quite active behind the scenes.
- You will begin to feel like you are watching a movie seen many times before but deep inside you know that surprises are possible
- There is nothing that will instill sleepless nights like a Hurricane threat…not even steroid shots for pleurisy.
- Your celestial helper reminds you to be adaptable to change and accepting of new and improved ways to accomplish tasks at hand
- Stock up on all medications for GERD, sinus, anxiety, depression, tension, aches and pains, senioritis, etc… you may retrieve Robaxin from tack trunk at the barn for use when you pull your back out from moving all outside objects to interior shelter.
- Try and locate one of the annual bulletins your chiropractor (Dr. Berg) handed out thru the years to use as a checklist. Never mind if you cannot locate one, you have this down to a science.
- Keep calm…the South is more concerned about a foot of snow as opposed to a category 1-4 hurricane.
- Relish the fact that you have permission to look like a homeless person until this inconveience passes.
- When a friend appears on your doorstep without notice, answer the door saying, ‘Welcome to Trina’s homeless shelter”. When the intruder holding down your door step knows you all to well says, “oh, you have already talked to 2 people today”… respond by saying, “yes and with bonus points by using explicaties”! First time, when I tripped over a chicken when trying to replenish food. Second, when I pulled my back out moving the fridge. When you hear “oh, ok then” and the intruder moves toward you over the threshold to give you a sympathy hug, whip out the walking cane you have been using and simply reply MAY THE FORCE BE WITH ALL OF US! With a great sense of accomplishment that you have trained the prospective intruder well, your friend quickly retreats.
- Hurricane has reached a category 5 storm…now you may start to worry.
- Do not be surprised if you start walking aimlessly from room to room, wondering why you entered the room in the first place. This is normal…your brain is giving you the silent treatment.
- Stock up on your choice of adult beverages and bottled water…there is no such thing as too much.
- Stock up on non-perishable food and snacks. Some of my favorites are Chicken Biscuit Crackers, Smoked Gouda Cheese and Vienna Sausage, lemon poppy seed muffins, apples, bananas, grapes, etc…
- Locate coolers from the attic and empty them of Holiday decorations…then rinse
- Purchase bags of ice HINT: 2 bags will fit into my freezer along with other contents
- Locate or purchase flashlights and batteries (last seen during Hurricane Michael)
- Fill up vehicle(s) with gas. Your vehicle(s) may feel heavy and sluggish with indigestion since they do not know how to move with a full tank of gas.
- Check tire pressure, coolant, transmission fluid, oil level, etc…
- Stay tuned to weather reports. Determine there are way too many variations of expectations to make any decisions in how to precede
- Cancel upcoming appointments for the week…24 hours out if you are still uncertain as what your status will be at scheduled time.
- Report to work. Only when any threat of danger is 6 hours away will you be allowed to gather your belongings for evacuation or hunker down
- Address concerns from up-coming guests about their reservation(s) or conference
SET: if you are area anywhere within the cone of uncertainty, make last minute arrangements/ decisions regarding evacuation
- Start to become uneasy as you continue to watch the weather reports
- take Xanax
- Run all of you pet supply runs
- Report to work
- When your state Governor calls for a State of Emergency, you know from prior experience that Mandatory evacuation is right around the corner
- Take another Xanax
- Mandatory evacuation is called
- Barn now makes final plans to evacuate horses
- Incoming groups to the resort are now allowed to cancel without penalty
- Assist with securing all pool/patio furniture at work
- Fill up with gas again
- Make another run for snacks and adult beverages
- Evacuate horses
Rose & Godiva
Princess
- Determine that you thought that upcoming weather may require a hoodie…not evacuating your hood.
- Realize that you can not evacuate a homestead, even if you wanted too. Firsthand experience revealed that hotel operators would hang up on you before you even got 1/4 way down your list of animals that would be accompanying you.
Go! Evacuate or hunker down
- Bring in outside animals. Calculate that you should be alright to sacrifice the use of two bathrooms, while two other bathrooms remain vacant
- Bring all outside objects into garage
- Fill bath tubs, sinks and pitchers with water
- Fill all water bowls for pets in advance
- Make a pot of coffee. If the power goes out, TRUST ME when I say that while desperate times call for desperate measures, you will be surprised at what a delicacy cold coffee is. I tried to go without coffee during my first evacuation…and my court date is still pending…lol!
- Turn down thermostat in preparation for power going out. You will not know who has it worse when it gets warm in your house…you, bunnies, chinchilla or ferret.
- Catch up on house chores while waiting with much anticipated anxiety. If the Hurricane is moving at a snails pace or has stalled, deep cleaning may be necessary to keep distracted. Be prepared for the nausea that will accompany tasks that are long overdue.
- Close blinds to: (1) to help prevent glass from shattering into the house (2) if you are like me, the “outta sight – outta mind” cliche’ will help to calm nerves
- Watch FB updates on how you’re horses are doing on their evac-ation during breaks
- Grab your hoodie when interior temps become colder than you are accustomed to and you no longer have feeling in your toes
- Determine that FEMA better step up to their provisions just like State Farm did for Cheryl’s She Shed
- Lights flicker…power out…ah, wait a minute…power back on…nope, power definitely off
- Transfer ice, adult beverages and cheese to cooler
- Decide that since county curfew has been set for 8PM, you may as well follow suit and retire to your sanctum since power is now out and it would prove too challenging to tackle any more projects in the dark
- When cell phone gets low on battery charge, you can always charge your phone in your vehicle. This is one time you will certainly be glad you have a prehistoric vehicle that will charge a phone without running.
- At this juncture in my life, any incoming texts after 8:57 PM will be answered at 6:02 the next morning.
- Discover how quiet and eerie the busy island life is when you realize that you are the only dumb ass that chose to stay.
- Find solace that while all EMS personnel are on the mainland, you are deemed safe. After all, one has to blindly get past all of the deer traps that were put back into place after your recent riding injury. Just on the inside of the Front Door you have your herd of rescue dogs that have trust/protective issues with non-residents. Beyond the next threshold, there is Benny who is far, far worse than a broody goose or swan. As a last measure, assemble your voodoo dolls in a ceremonial circle around your bed and have your arsenal of self defense weapons within reach…just in case.
- Nestle beneath the warm covers as frost bite sets in and allow the quacking ducks and crowing rooster ease you into slumber…at least for the first hour.
- Continue waking up on the hour, every hour, to increasing winds, torrential downpour, thunder that shakes the very foundation of your home, lightening, flickering lights, transfomers blowing, etc… When you think you heard a strange noise in the house as you are finally dosing off for the eighth time since 9PM, simply repeat to yourself, “nah… I had a good run”.
- Wake up the next morning with a hangover from the adult beverages that saw you thru the tension during the night and a lack of sleep, combined.
AFTERMATH
- To avoid stepping on a homestead inhabitant, grab your flashlight and exit your sanctum, all while trying to find some semblance of equilibrium
- Try to find the courage to open your door or blinds to see the extent of the damage incurred thru the evening
- After accessing what damage you can from the doorway or nearby window, precede into the driveway and/or patio to investigate further
Back Yard after Hurricane
FFront Yard after hurricane
- Despite water up to your front door step and a few trees down in the back yard, consider yourself lucky that you escaped the wrath without too much damage.
- Pour a cup of cold coffee and hope that a muffin will calm your hangover effects. You can indulge in some “procaffinating” for a few extra minutes.
- Decide to put ducks outside to play in the lake that was once your back yard.
- Open blinds to the welcome sunshine and natural light
- Begin shedding clothes as you are now in a full blown sweat
- Check on remaining animals in refuge rooms
- Take dogs to the sod box inside the garage for elimination purposes
- See if your vehicle will start and/or run in the flood waters
- If successful, see how far you can get on the roads to evaluate current situation
- Immediately realize that you were not the only one to stay behind other fleeing residents
- Observe fallen trees, flood waters, volunteers working to clear roads and finally other curious minds out and about
- Decide not to risk any further driving with cables down in the roads and return home
- Find secure higher ground in the back yard to release chickens
- Power returns
- Make some HOT coffee. If you cannot drink hot coffee in a hot house until AC kicks in for a while, then you will never survive an apocalypse.
- Begin to clean refuge rooms
- Report to work where your primary task is to clean, redistribute furniture, inspect, etc.
- Receive notification that horses are in-bound from evac-ation.
- Check on horses when the convoy returns. Try to refrain from calculating the much anticipated expense from the time the horses stepped foot on the trailer to returning home 3-7 days later.
- Return home, take a Xanax and resolve that you are on your way to section 8 after the expenses incurred during this horrendous ordeal. Retirement? What retirement? I will be working right up to my lunch break on the day of my funeral. HINT: Broque’ is the classier way of saying you are Broke. Why do I think of Elaine Griffin here…lol?
- Take a much needed shower
- Resort to your emergency stash of grapes ( the pill form of wine that you consumed the day before).
- Decide on an early night to retire for the evening due to adrenaline fatigue
- As you ease your tired mind and body to bed, say your prayers and give thanks for your blessings. Decide that you need to enroll in AA the next day and seek treatment for your newfound illness, Diabete (both a result of weaknesses – adult beverages and sweets that you consumed while being held hostage).
- When co-inhabitants return from evacuation, tell them the storm brought in fleas. This should have them retreat back to from whence they came.
- If that doesn’t work, hire and have a sniper on the roof to warn your co-inhabitants that they better keep the house immaculate…you only clean on hurricane time.
- Ask younger co-inhabitant if college made an impression on her while visiting her sister. When you receive the response that there seemed to be alot of rednecks in the town of question, look her up and down and say you should fit in rather nicely…btw, did I mention we have fleas?
Homestead Memoirs 