Thru the looking glass

I  always knew there had to be a term for my lifelong condition but did not know, until recently, what that term was. An insightful friend forwarded me an article and I felt that I was reading about myself…everything from raw thoughts, fears, traits and flaws. For better or worse, I now know the reality of the light and dark secrets I have carried with me thru the years.

Prior to this discovery, however,  I had set out to research an altogether different subject.  I had a variation of Thanatophobia and petit mal seizures when I was younger. Did one or both of the above scenarios intertwine?

For an example, I had a tremendous fear and dread when it came time for my mother to go into the kitchen and start preparing dinner…so much so, that I clearly remember the fear despite my very young age. It would probably surprise my mother to know I still remember the episodes. I would cry, scream and beg her not to go into the kitchen where she would be working near the flames of the gas stove. I was tormented by the thought that I would lose her to the flames. I would get so worked up that I would sometimes slip into a seizure there in the kitchen. With medication and EEG’s I eventually outgrew the seizures…and coincidentally, the daily fear of my mother near the stove.

So, what is the subject of this Blog? I have always been curious as to why I am so easily triggered by sensory perceptions. Anything from an offensive visual, awful smell, loud noise or uninvited touch can send me into an oppressive state for indefinite periods of time. “Empaths” are highly intuitive people who feel emotions and physical sensations on a very deep level. For the sake of this Blog, I have chosen to replace “Empath” with “E”.

• The E cannot handle TV shows, movies or news about horror or tragedy. The minute the referenced subjects surface, they will immediately change the channel or quickly bypass the article of gut wrenching disgust and/or dismay. This is especially true about commercials and posts about animal or child neglect, cruelty or abandonment.
• The E can easily feel the symptoms of others. If a loved one is under the weather in one sense or another, they will immediately begin to feel their discomfort down to the detailed symptoms.
• The E will always vote for or root for the underdog and/or underprivileged.
• The E is typically creative and imaginative. It becomes a way of life for them, as a means to escape ugly realities.
• E’s are problem solvers. They will not rest until they find a solution. Although the result will derive from the right side of the brain (creative side), rest assured the remedy will work as well as the left brained engineer.
• If an E is driving and they encroach on what they suspect is road kill, they will look in an alternate direction until they have carefully maneuvered vehicle past the carcass and shudder at the thought until they have reached their destination.
• The E cannot tolerate a negative environment…period. They can enter an environment and as soon as they detect a negative overtone, they are quickly overcome with nausea, re-flux and/or depression. As soon as the negative aura is detected, they long to retreat to their safety net of solitude.
• They have an immense love of outdoors and nature.  Any overtime spent inside will send them into the gutter of depression. Hence, the reason I will save PTO for the season of shorter daylight hours. This is not only for my own sanity but for the sanity of others within an arm’s length on a daily basis
• The E’s are supposed to be healers. Now I am not certain about this statistic, as it applies to me, other than I have a large capacity “to walk in someone’s shoes”.  I do know, however, my Voodoo dolls come in handy on occasion…lol.
• The most embarrassing characteristic I possess, as an E, is the involuntary response of teary eyes when I am listening to loved one’s story of grief, sorrow, disappointment, etc. The irony is I have dry eye…no matter the method of “mind over matter” control I may resort to using in this regard, the waterfall always prevails.
• Crowds are the worst nightmare for the E…they will avoid this potential at all cost.  The hurried bumps, uninvited touching, breathing down one’s neck and talking above one’s comfortable audio volume is totally unacceptable. As a result, the E’s comfort level will not be found in the bar, grocery store, concert, shopping mall, etc.
• Speaking of grocery stores, I really miss the Island Piggly Wiggly, where you could park at the door, run in and out in 10 minutes, tops. Chances of running into an accidental or unwanted interaction were slim to none if you timed it right.
• Loud noise is another trigger, whether it is arguing, loud music, screaming, high pitch talk, etc…all equivalent to one scraping their nails across a chalk board Apologies to my daughters thru the years when they wanted to turn the radio up to 20 decibels when in the vehicle…but your safety from the backlash, as a result, became my first priority.
• Fake conversation is another trigger…worse than having all 4 wisdom teeth extracted at one time. Time spent in this activity will drain the E’s energy and they will long to escape the environment as quickly as possible.
• Inauthentic people are no more popular with the E than the smell of grease traps being pumped out at lunch time.
• The E can spot a liar at least a football field away…not a tactic to be used on this ultra sensitive individual.
• The E does not like to be hurried or rushed. They maneuver at their own pace of purpose, sense, and productivity. They can be impromptu or spontaneous…BUT…only on their own terms.
• They do not like capricious winds. Fickleness is a big pet peeve of the E. This erratic behavior disrupts their schedule of sense and purpose.
• The E loves fast and furiously…often times to their own detriment. They are especially prone to agape love…one of a higher spiritual realm than most people may be privy to.
• The E needs order or cannot think straight, otherwise.
• The E seeks to retreat from small talk, crowds, loud noise, arguing and longs for solitude.
• The E does not like clutter. Now one could argue this point where I am concerned…BUT…at least my clutter is clean and organized.
• The E enjoys adventure and learning.
• The E finds society’s standards stifling and will conform to the ways of a hippie or gypsy instead
• The E will be susceptible to digestive or GERD issues as a result of negative distress they cannot avoid. Back Pain is also probable.
• The E loves animals and will be predisposed to surrounding themselves with Noah’s Ark if possible
• The E will find it necessary to spiritually cleanse their environment if a less than desirable vibe is left lingering. For an example, I will remove the birds to the back patio (if the weather is nice) and burn sage throughout my dwelling at least 4 x year…if not more often
• The E will always be mistaken for an introvert…BUT…rest assured they will know more about you than you will know about yourself, despite their silence
• The E will more than likely hear the remark that they are highly sensitive on occasion. Indeed we are…to sight, sound, scent, touch, negative energy, stimuli, non-truth, cheating, injustice, violence, arguing, unfairness, etc.
• The E does not like being on a stage or exposed to drama
• The E is extremely inquisitive about a subject they want to learn more about
• Survival tools for the E may include, journaling, creating, mediation, chakras, stones, crystals, etc.
• On a positive note, the E is highly compassionate and considerate.
• The E is drawn to spiritual, metaphysical, holistic, ancient cultures, history and ancestral lineage.
• The E is an “old soul”…quickly adapting to the adult world and leaving childhood behind
• The E cannot tolerate a narcissist. The narcissist is attracted to the E due to their misguided perception that the E is an easy target. After all, the E’s desire to heal is transparent…BUT…the E knows the narcissist all to well and can sense their approach from the nether nether land.
• The E is especially sensitive to time/daylight/shadow changes. This is especially true as Fall approaches. Because the E is so fond of nature and daylight, the shorter days do not resonate well with the E.
• Do not try and commit the E to a social engagement. They will only regard you as being possessed by demons. Do not take this personally, however. They will still love you whether or not they are in your company or quietly reading a book in the peacefulness of their quiet domain. If they should accept your invitation, consider yourself extremely lucky that they are willing to subject themselves to the social unpleasantries on your behalf.
• Favorite engagements are with close friends that are not pretentious and showing up to one’s home in grunge wear is not only accepted but expected.
• Favorite hangout (where you can show up looking your worst) is the closest convenience store to your house. You know everyone on a first name basis and feel like you have known everyone forever.
• If you should be in need of the E as a life support and cannot locate them, you may find them rejuvenating from the absorption of ailing energy from their last encounter…with their universal guide and/or pipeline, yoga retreat, wellness spa…or simply unwinding with Noah’s Ark.

Author: pegasus8mywings

Full time mother of two teenage girls with a full time job and Noah's Ark on the side. View all posts by pegasus8mywings