Synergy

As I was in the process of writing Serendipity and Friendzone, I realized the one reoccurring question or feeling that kept creeping into my dents and cracks was: fear or awareness? Was it fear that kept me at a distance…or was it awareness?

As I continued to struggle with this debacle, I concluded that fear keeps us in one place and awareness allows us to move about but with caution.

For an example, fear of the pandemic prompts us to stay inside the house. Awareness allows us to go outside but using the precautions set forth by fear (using masks, gloves, maintaining social distance, etc…).

Therefore, was I afraid of or running away from love…OR…was I simply aware of the disconnects that oftentimes go hand in hand with love; thus, leaving me cautiously weighing my options? I think the honest answer is perhaps a little of both. However, I have journeyed enough traveled roads to know that I prefer the scenic routes. I have outlived the “novelty syndrome” (addicted to things that provide initial gratification or elevated dopamine levels). These may include (but not limited to) retail therapy, routinely changing jobs, gambling, suddenly packing up your life to move, drugs, frequent hook-up sex, gossip, etc.

As Henry Miller once said, “The aim of life is to live. And to live is to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.”

All we stand to gain from rom-coms is a lifetime of experience and awareness. Then…at a certain point in our life…what we see depends on what we are looking for. In the meantime, own your shadows…just add a spoonful of sugar.

I think we suffer more in imagination than reality. For an example, fear keeps us in the dark inside. What we can’t do or what we can’t say owns us…and what we hide controls us. If we open the curtains and let the light in, open the windows for fresh air, hang out in the backyard with the homestead companions, tend to our gardens, create our next project, we can remain centered in an otherwise unbalanced world.

I am not one to go back and read my blogs once written and posted. I think part of me will be embarrassed to see myself wearing my vulnerabilities on my sleeves. However, when enough time has passed (20 + years or so) I can go back and read journal entries without too much shame. Although the narratives and typecasting have evolved with time, the true essence of who I am is still present.

I am especially grateful to have my equine companions during the current environmental conditions. They allow me to take a short journey outside of work and my sanctum to visit, ride or merely tend to any needs outside the confines of the homestead. Horses not only encourage one to be authentic and compassionate… but… one learns that connection goes BOTH ways. Sure you may prefer to have one of your tiny humans to be the crash test dummy on a new arrival or ask the vet if they have experience in throwing darts when it comes time for inoculations (as you hold your wallet in a vice grip) BUT there is nothing greater than 50 shades of love. The bravest thing one will ever do is love again…

“…you know if another leaves, you will be as happy as you are now. Your happiness cannot be taken by another because it is not given by another.” OSHO