This is the first blog in quite a while, as I have been blessed with a grandchild and helping with my Mother after she endured several little mini strokes (most likely a result of the Pfizer vaccine and boosters – another story for another day). This will be a work in progress, as I have not even come up with a title yet.
Most of you, by now, know that I have worked at one of Southern Living’s top ten Southern resorts for 33 years, have two young adult children (now a grandson), a sinking ark of animals and an owner of a small herd of horses that I care for and ride between other life responsibilities. I have put a different twist on this blog, using vineyard terminology, since it will come as no surprise that I can often be heard referring to adult leisure beverages.
The vineyard (barn) where I currently board my small herd is nice (comparable to other facilities I have boarded at thru the years) and I am lucky to have a chardon-neigh barn family. I try to stay under the radar, provide the best care for my horses that I can, maintain commaradity with my barn family, all while leading a busy lifestyle. Obviously, there will be times when your voice needs to be heard but otherwise, a seemingly pleasant environment.
The purpose in this blog is for those who have fermented (become agitated or excited within a large group of people regarding change) at various urban vineyards thru their riding career. Regardless of where you board or have boarded, we all know and recognize the following boarder categories:
1. Since this was the inspiration for this blog, we will start with the CI (confidential informant), who resides amongst barn family peers…the loose tannin (cannon) and raisin of the family. This person(s) is/are usually attention seeking and strive to be Management’s pet…for privileges, breaks, recognition, favoritism or returned favors…in other words, those that stir the vineyard dirt through the grapevine. This person will appear to be socially involved with everyone, while attempting to break through vulnerable barriers for their sake or to provide Management with intel, unsolicited or otherwise. Even if you are not intuitive or a keen judge of character, the signs are easy to read: (1) they seek attention and admiration from everyone they encounter (2) they live on stage, always needing to be the center of attention, jokes, pranks or conversation. They are not beyond flirting with the opposite gender, even when their spouse is present. (3) Most importantly, they are guilty by association. By now, most people know you cannot speak from both sides of your mouth very long before your cover is blown. (4) Their jealousies or insecurities will become evident when they start probing and dwelling on the same questions day in and day out until they feel satisfied that they have reached the same perceived plateau. (5) They are only interested in themselves and what will benefit their best interests. If they are on a crusade, rest assured, they are not representing a unified cause…they are simply striving for what is in their best interest. (6) This person is always quick to ask for help but will rarely offer to help others (7) Most annoyingly, they will seek advice, suggestions or recommendations, only to follow through with their original plan (8) This person resents being alone and will entice anyone to remain with them – or join them – until they are ready to leave…but never the reverse (9) Know that if this person gossips about other people, knows everything about everyone’s social media posts or reveals confidential texts, that person will not hesitate to make you their headline subject the next day.
When the CI is finally confronted for their unfounded self righteousness, they will become Sangria (angrier) than a toddler. After brewing (dwelling on the matter) when their cover is blown and keeping a mer-lot (low) profile for a few days, one may suddenly receive a narcissistic text. This is not only a cowardly way to try and elevate the ego again but it eliminates the more mature two-way conversation. After all, they are not interested in what another has to say…only what they have to say. The best thing to do in a case like this is blush (brush) it off and DO NOT RESPOND. This achieves two purposes: (a) this personality – most of all – hates to be ignored. (b) do not ever put writing on the wall for these personalities to share with others. Instead, offer them a non-alcoholic drink with no proof (of writing)…there is no Riesling (reasoning) with them and they are apt to flute (shoot) the messenger. They will likely endure stress and anxiety trying to avoid the messenger, while the messenger continues to live by their mantra, “que Syrah, Syrah. If you should encounter this raisin, tell them only what you want them to know…nothing more, nothing less. Remember, cheap wine will get you screwed.
2. The well off can be a sour grape…BUT…not always. Those who do not work and do not recognize the struggles of those that work full time to support their livelihood, tiny human dependents and their lifetime companions, equine and otherwise. Remain cautious – at least one of these family members will oftentimes work alongside the CI to maintain their position beyond a chateau (shadow) of doubt.
3. The working class family members – pro-“secco-nd to none” boarder of the vineyard. Those that work full time to support themselves and dependents (human and animal prisoners). This class will usually be intercepted by the CI and the wealthy in support of any rate increases …because affordability is not an issue for them and it gains the support of management for their suggestion and/or encouragement…while the rest of the vineyard contemplates their future at this vineyard.
4. Our favorite category…the young, unexploited boarder who wears rose’ colored glasses and is eager and ready to learn and has barrels of fun growing with sport… totally oblivious to the mind games of the CI and well endowed. This younger boarder typically has not been in the vineyard long enough to have acquired a label just yet. The sweetest grape on the vine.
5. The retired Group – typically the aged wine – a very pleasant group who are wiser and more mature than the 20-40 year old counterparts. You may not see this group during the work week, as they typically come around earlier in the day before work and school are over. Typically the di-vine glassact.
6. The absentee boarder – part of the vineyard but the ones you don’t recognize when they arrive once a season. The champagne of the vineyard, since they spare a set of cross ties.
7. The weekend warrior – the expensive wine locked in the cellar cabernet (cellar cabinet) – the en-chianti-ing (enchanting) full time working boarder who lives too far away to come to the barn during the work week. This boarder is a breath of fresh air and you always look forward to seeing them on the weekends. They have not been around all week to try and ward off the vineyard politics… so they offer a positive, bubbly element to the environment… similar to the rich smooth aroma of Beaujolais.
8. Negative Nelly – The Grape Depression is the one who has a chip on their shoulder when they come to the barn. Your sensitive aura picks up on this negative energy before they even round the corner. You desperately try to keep your distance before the wining (whining) begins and you have to tell them to “put a cork in it”, allowing the dreaded tourist feel welcome at this point. If you cannot escape the winecerous, suggest they replace the port whine with Rioja.
The seasonal Boarder – the Mos-cat-o (cat) of the vineyard – the sly one that slips in and out before you even know what season it is.
The non-primitivo (primitive) Boarder – the trendy “fashionista” of the group. If you are not up to date on the latest trends in the equestrian industry, simply take a minute to observe this boarder. They will be sporting all of the latest haute couture fashions before they are even due to premier at the Met Gala. They tend to purchase duplicates of each outfit so that their horse can be made to feel embarrassed wearing matching attire to the school yard. They are not likely to sherr-y (share) common ground with the CI since their nice-nasty nature would never allow them to stir in the vineyard dirt. Additionally, they tend to repel dirt, not collect dirt.
The endless chatter boarder – try to Savign-yawn-blanc (save yawn) and excuse your Bordeux (bored) ass until you can Pinot-noir (pee no more) and yell as you retreat from the restroom to your imaginary friend, “Ale beer (I’ll be) there in a second”…works every time! Once you are safely around the corner, retreat to your Zen-fidel (zen or sanctum) or to the local brewery for a change of scenery.
Until next time, my friends…may the force be with us !
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