Author: pegasus8mywings

I had not planned on writing another blog until after Christmas, as it has been more challenging than usual to find inspiration, thoughts, ideas or even the motivation to write. I attribute this to the cleansing and purging of the third eye due to our transition into the Age of the Aquarius. I always knew I had the gift of the third eye but it is not a case where I have the ability to summon for answers. Instead the answers come to me when I least expect them or when decisions are on the fence. For an example a wise mentor once told me that if an opportunity presents itself but makes you anxious, confused, apprehensive, uncomfortable, concerned about misgivings…ABORT MISSION…it is not meant for you! Now this is not about taking risks that you are comfortable with or confident about but the strong possibility that the opportunity comes with a high probability of toxic energy…which is what you are currently purging from your life in preparation for a New Age.

Although I have always been fascinated with the metaphysical world, I did not intentionally set out to explore this wonderment. Instead, it became clear that I needed to simply harness these gifts and talents as they presented themselves. My tiny humans, to this very day, will tell you that I must be an FBI Extraordinaire with decorated accolades…lol! If one or both of our tiny humans were MIA, their father would always tell me it was time to put my detective hat on. He was always confident that I would turn every town, every county, every state, every acquaintance and every associate upside down until they were back in our protective custody. These journeys through their teenage years would even take me to the far reaches of the country. Both girls will swear that their Father and I planted a GPS on them when they were younger…LOL!

I truly believe the gift of the third eye and my strong intuition are genetic and have been handed down through the generations. A dear friend who practices in the Holistic profession has informed me on more than one occasion that it simply was not fair that I came by my abilities naturally, as she had to pay good money to learn how to channel chakras, aura and energy. My third eye is extremely sensitive and thus, the reason I wear sunglasses even on a cloudy day. I love being outdoors but I have to make certain I always have a pair of sunglasses within reach, as my eyes are extremely sensitive to light. The cleansing of the third eye is not the only symptom you may encounter during an eclipsical phase. There can be other physical symptoms as the body reacts to this energy, as well.

For me, this embodiment to the light (or spiritual transition) began mid-November. For those of you that follow my blogs will recall that I have been dealing with back issues for the better part of a month, now. While most are not aware of the significance of entering a New Age, others may go through a total and complete detox during an eclipse (in some cases two weeks pre or post eclipse). This process was…and has NOT been pleasant. Perhaps this transition has been one of the worst, yet, for me. Even as I write this, I am still experiencing some minor residual aches and the crippling effects as I take the first few steps after arising from the chair to stretch in between thoughts. Without a doubt, a transition/purge of this magnitude is a lot to go through physically, mentally & spiritually.

Additionally, this year has brought a multitude of issues to the table in regards to confusion, chaos, uncertainties, furloughs, layoffs, personal loss, business loss, universal loss, financial strain, anxieties, isolation, etc. It may have also been a year for the following CPOs (Chief Petty Offenders): healing, grieving, unpacking grief cases, revelations, insights, allowing room for one to transplant roots, avoiding rebounds, indecisiveness, delayed wifi connections, circuit breakers, shape shifting, emotional minefields, contingency plans, not quite grasping the dangling carrot, playing by the rules, playing with fire, caveats, flights of fancy, seeing the forest for the trees, pulling the punches, leaving precarious poker faces in the rear view mirror, putting the cart before the horse, trying to understand life with logic, weight (burden) loss programs, etc.

While there are varying opinions as to the exact date and time this entrance through the portal will take place, my rehab status tells me it will take place on 12/21/20, give or take a few days. However, the walk across the bridge will be a gradual process well into the next year and beyond. Already, I feel more aligned, grounded, refurbished and upgraded.

Plan to take this time to be a dream weaver, open your eyes to see the rainbow after the storm, envision pies in the sky, know that the white horse is just around the corner taking a much needed water break before arriving, prepare to take the heat if you ignite the fire, organize a watch party of the Christmas star with your closest peeps at the most SW point of your community (done)… and witness the shelf life of anything that does not resonate with your hopes and wishes fading away. Have faith that your cosmic squad will guide you through the portal gates and across the bridge to your pleasure cruise.

We are getting ready to exit the Age of Pisces (water) into Aquarius (air). We have already witnessed some of the effects regarding air: virus pandemic affecting the lungs, masks, “claustrophobia and suffocation” due to confinement, etc. This new Era is about the coming together to serve all, serve the earth, the coming together of science, the spiritual world and religion, serving our higher selves without ego driven needs or wants.

Make no mistake…things are and will be different…there is no return to the way things were. This dawning will shift “me” to “we” and towards a collaborative humanity. I feel a rush of adrenaline as I stand on the ship’s loading dock…getting ready to take sail. We are getting ready to witness history, as we board the pleasure cruise…and enter into something much bigger than we ever imagined.

May the Force be with us and I will see everyone on the other side of the portal as we journey into the New Age of Aquarius!

Last week we received a Secret Santa List to fill out at work, as we do each year. As I began to fill out my wish list according to the same annual verbatim, it strikes me that it may be fun to elaborate a little on this historical tradition that takes place every December.

Those that know me well, know that I live to eat and not the other way around! More often than not, I have a surplus of grazing food in my office. If I should be low on inventory for some reason, I will stalk every team member, looking for food. If coworkers are unwilling to share, they make every effort to quiet the wrappers when going for the gold. Otherwise, I immediately tune in to the sounds of food or someone getting ready to indulge in my greatest weakness… and the prowl is on!

FAVORITE SNACKS:

Black Pepper and Sea Salt Popcorn – my favorite brand is Abound (can be found at CVS)…but any brand will do. If you need me and I am not at my desk, simply follow the trail of popcorn behind me.

Blue Diamond Rosemary and Olive Oil Almonds – Can be found at Harris Teeter. You can skip the sarcastic gift card that says “you are what you eat”. I know I am nuts but save this creative gesture for the fruit cake you will be re-gifting someone else.

Cashews – not the chintzy pieces but the whole cashews. I am all about “Big Bang for your Buck” kinda gal.

York Peppermint Patties – Found at most any Food outlet. Better get me two bags since I have discovered that my Partner in Crime will come into my office on a frequent basis sniffing out this favorite delicacy.

Starbuck’s Cranberry Bliss Bars – sold during the Christmas Holiday Season. HINT: sold by the box :):):)

FAVORITE DRINKS:

Cafe du Monde coffee – Found at Harris Teeter. No substitutes, please. I have spent over half a century as a coffee connoisseur and there simply is not another brand that holds a candle to this leaded caffeine…not even Starbuck’s!

Bottled Water – I prefer Dasani purified Water – to wash down the sedatives at work

Beer – Ice House (bottles only) is my first choice, as it is cheap but cannot be found just anywhere. Convenience store next to Bennie’s Red Barn carries Ice House by the case. Leave the singles for Jimmy, as the store manager stocks inventory of each, according to our weekly consumption. If an imposter thwarts the inventory count, Budweiser beer (bottles only) will suffice. NOTE: Light beer (or diet food ) of any kind is unacceptable. I prefer the real deal and raw calories.

Single serving liquors – that I can hide in my desk drawer

Meds – to cope with the bat shit crazies during work – Xanax is preferred choice but anything that will numb the effects of stupidity will do

I COULD USE MORE:

(No) more forms to fill out

Days Off – like 6 months twice a year

Whoopie cushion – for the overrated meetings throughout the week. If authentic effects are preferred, summons for some of Momma Bootsie’s bean soup or ask Chef to prepare beanie weenies for lunch.

Money – Especially since Christmas is a time when you watch your money magically disappear. After all, I am still paying for last year’s Christmas… and spending next year’s money for this Christmas .

Sleep – you know…the early bird special prior to the “happy hour” before the alarm goes off.

Headphones – the socially acceptable way to ignore people

“Leave me the hell alone” essential oil

Dumbrella – umbrella to shield one self from dumb shit

Personality meter – to forewarn colleagues, since I have at least 10 different personalities.

Time – to shave my legs…even if it should be 1/2 a leg each day

Personal phone recording – ask IT (Bob) to install a recording on your phone “this call will be monitored or recorded to detect tone and mood. Press #1 if you are calm and and rational. Press #2 if you are training to die. Have IT install another recording on your phone, “yesterday was the last day for all complaints”. Alternate recordings according to mood swings.

Emergency supplies – toothbrush, toothpaste, brush, hair clip, deodorant, etc – for the years you are on the “two kids” sleep schedule. Worst case scenario, Bellmen stock these supplies behind the Front Desk. Leftover makeup and clothes from the day before will suffice. Simply wear your face mask until you are marked safe in your home after work.

For the crafty souls – a homemade sign for my office door that reads ” I am awake…please respect my privacy during this difficult time”. Other side reads “Safe to Enter”. Flip sign according to the weather forecast.

I COLLECT:

Debt – apparently there are no tax breaks for not violating any heinous financial crimes the year in question.

IN MY FREE TIME I LIKE TO:

What Free Time? I don’t know what that is…could you kindly elaborate.

I DON’T NEED ANY MORE:

Bills – I *get paid *pay bills*cry for two weeks*repeat

FAVORITE FAST FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS:

Larry’s Giant Subs – A+ if the BIG ONE makes personal deliveries…but an overnight stay is required 🙂 Ok… I have definitely been working with Laurie and Julie faaaaaarrrrrr too long…lol!!!

LEAST FAVORITE THING:

Fruit Cake – save the regifting for the only person who ate the minced meat pie at Thanksgiving.

BONUS: Triple shot of espresso will be awarded if you can stop by DOL and collect my unemployment check (for last 2 weeks of 6 week furlough from earlier this year). Otherwise, leave Mark a lump of coal with my card, stating “no check, no K&P availability for you and/or conferences.”

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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As we approach Thanksgiving, I shudder to think where this year has gone. One minute our nation was shocked when a global pandemic hit close to home…and the next minute we are making plans for the Holiday season. Granted, this year will be quite different for so many due to Covid but for others, it may remain the same tempo as in years past.

Although gratitude and generosity should be ingredients for everyday living, Thanksgiving reminds us to slow down – if for just one day – to come together as a family, community, nation and universe to remember and be thankful for our Blessings. As I have gotten older, I have realized that practicing this grace on a more regular basis makes a positive difference in our otherwise hectic lives. Living a life of generosity and gratitude not only changes the frequency of your environment but raises the vibration of your existence…your purpose in life. As a fire sign, grace often times eluded my grasp. However, thru life experiences and aging process, I have learned that holding onto the negative aspects of our journey, one is not truly available to be present in the beautiful moments that are given to us. To be in the present moment provides energy to the body, mind and spirit which in turns opens one up to the endless opportunities to receive and give.

About a week ago I sustained an agonizing pinched nerve. Much to my disappointment and to that of others, I don’t have an exciting story to share on how it happened. I simply went to get up out of bed upon awakening and found the sky falling when I took my first few steps towards the bedroom door. When I recognized the dreaded but familiar symptoms, my immediate thought was “oh dear God, what have I done to deserve this evil karma?”

The last time this overwhelming pain occurred was during a camping trip with the family. I distinctly remember the year and date, as it coincided with G-8 summit in our hometown. Since most of the locals decided to vacate during this time, we chose to go camping. Anyone who knows me well, knows this is one of my favorite past times. Although, upgrades have taken place since, we had a pop-up camper at the time. However, on this particular trip, both tiny humans decided to climb into my crawl space to sleep. When I awoke the next morning, I found hands and feet plastered in my face and my body contorted into positions I did not know were humanly possible. The next two weeks would take their final toll, until I made a proclamation that I will sleep in a tent on the ground before I stuff myself into such small quarters again with two monkeys.

Back to present day…this has been the most excruciating pain I have encountered since that camping trip in 2008. After one day off from work and daily visits to the chiropractor, there was no improvement or hope in sight. I finally deemed that I would rather birth another child than endure the painful plight of a pinched nerve. When my chiropractor (who has two young children) heard this alarming remark, she immediately handed me one of her spare TENS units to take with me until I started to feel improvements. I am not certain whether she realized the seriousness behind my statement or whether I was outwearing my welcome that generated her concern…lol!

So, after a week of frying in the electric chair, taking horse tranquillizers, rotating ice and heat, sitting on pins and needles at my desk, trying to find comfortable positions while sleeping…I found myself succumbing to numbness. While I have a pretty strong threshold for pain and I am not normally one to give in to self pity, I found myself unable to maintain the positivity and gratitude that I once found easily obtainable. Additionally, I do not handle idleness well but the inability to move about in a carefree fashion with the wind at my back prohibited any profound productivity during my time of incapacitation.

One week to this day after the unfortunate misstep and enduring boot camp hell, I was sitting in the electric chair and suddenly realized that of all times, this is when I need to reinforce positive energy. I spent the remaining 25 minute session being thankful for my health (what remains of it), sunrise and sunsets, my family, family traditions, my carbon copies (tiny humans) my friends estate, music, each new day, laughter, humor, love, romance, deep connections, sunshine, books, warm fires, warm clothes, stars, moon, hugs, art, flowers, pets, memories, home, career, food, coffee, warm water, modern conveniences, etc.

This Thanksgiving…whether we will be social distancing or coming together to honor our Blessings, commune with your loved ones with a fresh perspective. Even if you are only capable of providing paper towels for this Holiday gathering, it is the intimacy of family bonds and honoring traditions that carry through the generations as it was established by our ancestors. You may even discover that family members are relieved that they will not have to sit thru dinner and pretend to know what your inedible contribution is… or worse… pretend to find your preparation to their liking…lol!

Until next time…Happy Thanksgiving!

With the joys, triumphs, uncertainties, anxiety and sadness over the last few weeks, I emerged from the chaos only to realize how thankful I am for my continuous journey to peace.

In one weekend, I lost the last two of my original duck colony. Since I have had all of my homestead companions for quite a few years, it seems that all of my losses are culminating at one time due to life expectancy. That same weekend, we lost our beloved ferret, Piper…presumably from old age, as well.

Then you had a potent Full Moon on Halloween and Time Change to occur in the same weekend. While the Full Moon was not predicted to affect my sign as significantly as others, I set off to enjoy the activities lined up for the weekend, despite the loss of some of our pets just several days earlier.

With all of the recent hurricanes blowing ashore on the Gulf Coast, we have had more than our fair share of rain and wind this season. Coincidentally, we were met with gale force winds Saturday morning as I set out to ride some of my herd at the barn prior to the festivities scheduled there that afternoon. Feeling a bit unsettled with the weather conditions and the cosmic influences, I opted to lunge several horses instead of riding. Afterwards, I ran home to grab some lunch so that I could return to the barn to watch the Halloween costume entries with their equine companions. Additionally, I had hoped to capture photos since the team members are typically busy organizing the event.

When I returned, I was met with a somber crowd and contestants being rerouted to the back ring for the exhibition. Upon inquiry, I learned that one of the horses entered in the contest had an accident that was beyond anyone’s control. Without going into any details regarding the incident, the mare was met with the unfortunate demise of being euthanized…all while the event continued to take place, as scheduled. I was in complete shock at the tragic event that unfolded that day and the emotions that swept over me took their toll by late afternoon. Knowing that my spirit would not return anytime soon, I canceled out on the evening events.

The next day, I was still dealing with sadness, grief and a bankruptcy of positive vibes. Therefore, other than my routine chores at the barn, I opted to remain as far removed from the barn and triggers of the previous day’s tragedy. Instead, I hibernated in my sanctum to divert my focus and attention to attempting to regain my balance, focus and attention to matters at hand on the homestead. I readied Piper’s prior hutch to welcome a new homestead resident…a rescue rabbit that I reluctantly agreed to take in earlier in the week.

This past weekend, you had the GA/FL game, The Breeders Cup and the final outcome of the Presidential Election…a lot of anticipation and anxiety rolled into another weekend. Two of the three events produced a less than positive outcome while the latter had been a hopeful conclusion. I found myself asking, “can we start the last two weekends again? I was not ready”. On the bright side, the stars were once again lining up to curb my creative appetite that has eluded my grasp since early September.

At the close of the weekend, as my mother and I were planning my Dad’s Birthday in the upcoming weekend, my mother made a comment that was not entirely unfamiliar to me. She said “I don’t know how you have done what you have done through the years or how you continue to do what you do…your plate is entirely too full…but you always miraculously manage”. As I hung up the phone, I continued to consider my mother’s closing remark. Aside from other contributing factors, I have to say that I have always strived to build my life in such a way that everything outside of my career and family responsibilities is a therapeutic outlet.

I will readily admit that I suck at meditating…simply because I find it difficult to sit still and completely shut out my thoughts. However, some learned and self taught lessons through the years may include, but not limited to:

Do not compare yourself to others…the moon and sun each have their time to shine. Just because someone carries it well does not mean it is not heavy. Apples and Oranges BOTH have sweet, nutritional value.

Do not compete with others…except for the last piece of bacon.

Do not judge others…unless you are sizing them up for grabbing the last cup of coffee in the breakroom.

Let go of anger, regrets, worrying, guilt and fear…but don’t let go when in a downward dog pose while in a standing room only yoga class.

Do not blame others…especially lazy people, for they did not do anything.

Eliminate negativity from your energy field…if that does not work, go into anti-stalking mode.

Accept that there may not always be answers to your questions…except “which way to the adult leisure beverage aisle”?

Learn something every day…especially where the other 5,995 of 6,000 bobby pins are that you have had in your life time.

Let go of something every day…especially the notion that Buffalo Wings will not result in having to seek out the nearest bathroom a few moments later.

Accept that you cannot control everything…”it will be fun” they said…now I need bail money 😦

Exercise vulnerability…if I let you in, please don’t break anything; otherwise, the next time I open up is for my autopsy.

Have deep, meaningful conversations…but do not reveal everything. After all, what fun would it be if you did not retain some mystery.

Allow and expose depth and rawness in relations…the one exception may be not to disclose information about the bodies buried in your back yard.

Have a belly laugh often…but not recommended with a full bladder or a mouth full of food.

Indulge your passions (some of mine include art, reading, writing, gardening, listening to music, dancing, photography, riding, designing…)

***NOTE: Music deserves a category of it’s own accord here. We grew up with music playing in the familial home 24/7. My parents controlled the rotation between the likes of Carol King, Bee Gees, Neil Diamond, Barbara Streisand…all of the popular hits of the 70’s. Thus, my passion for music plays a significant role in seeking my center and balance ***

Be humble…plus humor = humanity

Live, Laugh, Love…if that does does not work – load, aim, fire.

Honor space b/w no longer and not yet…until you can hear your song on the radio without drowning in Niagra Falls

Have 3 eyes…2 to look and 1 to see. Best if one is located in the back of your head when rearing children.

Do not gossip or encourage gossip… one who gossips with you, will gossip about you.

Thoroughly enjoy minding your own business…and don’t worry about what I am doing…worry about why you are worried about what I am doing.

Have compassion for all… Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.

Sit with the broken…to give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.

Find strength in silence while soaking in your garden tub…until you hear the coven witches fuckin’ up the chants and knocking candles over in the next room

Spend time with nature…but take plenty of bug spray with you

Learn to laugh at yourself… and do not make eye contact with anyone while eating a banana

Do not let just any energy permeate your sacred sanctum or home – see Stage the Aura…below

Establish rituals…when you are wiping your ass and the toilet paper comes back without a single shit stain…the ritual of purification is complete ( I have prep for colonoscopy in mind here).

Stage the aura and climate of your sanctum with candles, incense, crystals, salt lamp, plants, wind chimes, essential oils, fairy lights, table fountain, etc...especially useful in the foyer when uninvited guests appear at your door.

If you should temporarily lose focus on one of your passions, try teaching it for a while. Your focus will return in no time and with any luck perhaps you learned something yourself... Greeting to participant: “Welcome to the dark side…where all of the fun stuff happens”.

See a Chiropractor to restore your energy…weekly evaluation to see if practioner had her Wheaties that morning.

Yoga – paying someone to tell you to breathe and drink water afterwards. Bonus, if you go in as a bagel but leave as a pretzel.

Until next time…”remember not to test the depth of the water with both feet” 🙂

As the long hot, humid summer begins to slowly shift into Fall, I find myself in a dreamier state than I would normally have time for. There is not a lot of deviation in my daily tasks and responsibilities, only the rhythmic pace to accomplish everything before the slumber hours set in. Now that darkness gradually descends upon us earlier with each passing day, the forces of nature drive me inside and inward with the calendar season.

Although Fall is my favorite time of the year, I struggle with the love/hate aspect of the shorter days. If truth be known, the reality is that I regard slowing down unfavorably because it awakens the fear of unknown revelations that tend to evade your otherwise busy and emotionless hours. This apprehension is closely similar to a dear friend of mine who keeps her social calendar full simply because she claims she would have to clean her house without personal obligations to tend to…lol!

It should, however, be dually noted that my most rewarding soul searching has derived from the Harvest Moon until Spring equinox. In previous years, responsibilities would still be waiting on you, although you had retreated inside as soon as darkness appeared at 5:30 PM. There would be meals to cook, laundry to do, assist with and/or check homework (more often than not, making certain homework was being done), caring for the homestead, baths to be had, spending a minimum of 2 hours getting tiny humans to bed, etc. Gradually, as the tiny humans were nearing their flight from the nest, this would be a season I would begin journaling, in an attempt to keep from overthinking, worrying and questioning my future without the need for my maternal setting. It was only a year ago that I finally found peace with the otherwise restless season on my hands. Everything finally found a peaceful corner to rest in and I came to terms with how to channel my thoughts, insecurities, fears, mistakes, concerns, restless sleep and lingering darkness. Had I adequately prepared the tiny humans to explore the world on their own?

As I contemplated this question, I suddenly realized my question should be ” have I come to terms with the fact that my tiny humans no longer need me”? I have struggled with this very vulnerable question, as I am a nurturer by nature. I feel as though I am living my life purpose when I am tending to others and caring for their needs. Two weeks into an empty home that was once filled with laughter, teenage arguments, sibling rivalry, empty cupboards, discarded towels trailing the floor, I would get two phone calls approximately 20 minutes apart. The first was from eldest tiny human asking if I could proof read her thesis if she were to email it to me. The second was from the youngest tiny human. This human was not as quick to ask for anything, prompting the immediate questions “are you ok”? “what’s wrong”? “where are you”? Finally, I hear…”I am fine, mom…I just called to see what you are doing”. Ok, admittedly, tears are swelling in my eyes as I type this. After a few moments of reassuring words, I would sink back into the comforts of my bed for the most restful sleep I had had in two weeks. That is when it hit me: You know you have done your job well, when your children feel confident exploring the abounding opportunities awaiting them without you.

Fast forward to this season. With two weeks left before the time changes and we officially return to the Fall season, I ask myself what am I prepared to ponder, seek manifestation for, what goals do I wish to achieve, what grievances do I have to release, what options do I need to consider , etc. Appropriately timed… but encouraging me to step outside of my comfort zone… I have recently been faced with the dilemma of a potential suitor.

Before I begin, allow me to share with you something I recall reading some years ago. I happened upon a statement, or statistic rather, that most people will have 2-3 significant lovers in their lifetime. While I believe all statistics will rise to possible scrutiny and can quite possibly surpass cosmic expectations, the reality is that I have lost 2 long term lovers in my life… 1 to Divorce and 1 to Cancer. My ex husband and I have remained platonic friends to this day, while losing my other companion to terminal disease has been the most heart wrenching challenge in my lifetime. To say that I have not been on the hunt for another relationship is an understatement. After all, the best things in my life have come along when I least expected them.

First and foremost, those who know me well will know that I am quite happy having a single relationship with myself and being a home body…and perfectly content as such. Therefore, I would have to find someone or something extraordinary to sacrifice coming out from the confines of my sanctum during my off time from work to co-exist with someone… even if it should be for an 1 1/2 hour dinner.

Secondly, since I am not one for being on a hunt or chase (except for a bargain at the thrift store), some have told me a brick would have to fall on my head for me to notice a man’s advances…lol! “Wait…what?” is an all too common response when confronted with this affirmation. Don’t get me wrong…although not my style, I can pounce on an object of desire like a lioness…but I prefer to veto that approach and claim discipleship for my own happiness.

While there have been the casual dates thru the years, my mother used to say, “you don’t have to marry the guy to go out with him”. To me, anything less was invasion of my time, effort, vulnerabilities, creative endeavors or sleep. I know my values, morals, attributes, intellect and flaws better than anyone else…and the real raw depth of my soul is not for the feint of heart. Intuitive by nature, once I sense a compatible match, I will then come out of my shell…but more out of intrigue than one of obligation.

Fast forward to a few months prior… a guy I have known for 5-6 years, who I have always admired and respected as a friend, suddenly began exhibiting subtle warning signs of interest. Now, mind you, I am not one to usually pick up on these clues; therefore, the signs I began reading were more than just subtle. This is not someone I would encounter often so I would simply dismiss the attempts as a misreading on my part. After all, he is married….OR…is he still married?

After a few more of these chance encounters, I found myself trying to evade his presence for the fear of encouraging his behavior that defies my firm belief in the honor code system. I began questioning whether or not I had done or said something to him that would lead him to believe that I was flirting with him? Admittedly, I was flattered by his attempts to get my attention but I would feel embarrassed and ashamed that I may be succumbing to feelings or emotions for a married man. Eventually, I found myself tending to scraped knees from evading the otherwise, would-be subject of interest.

The thought did occur to me to ask him, if he was still married. However, the mere thought sounded too much like an invasion of one’s privacy. I know from personal experience, that even if he was in the process of divorce or already divorced, it becomes a matter of time before one is ready to discuss what they may perceive as a failure (at least it was that way for me).

In the meantime, I would find my mind wandering to the previous encounters where he would display his masters degree in seduction with all the right moves. Did he have this impact on all the ladies or was I the only one that felt like a wet noodle when he smiled at me? He not only brought in those pesky little butterflies with him…but he brought in the whole damn zoo! Just when I thought I could suppress the sensations, I would think, “OMG, there go the knees” to “forget the knees…there goes the lump in the throat and then the electric surges through my entire being.” I could not help but wonder if he would catch me when I fell? Had he always had those sleek eyes and seductive and dangerous smile and I had not noticed before now? Where did he suddenly appear from…I was not expecting him at all…but suddenly I found myself totally enamored by him?

As my knee scrapes continued to get deeper, I figured that tending to my knees was better than tending to a broken heart, especially when it involved a married man. Additionally, I have too much respect for myself to invite a situation where I am an option left on the sidelines….not to mention being a home wrecker.

Only my closest friend would know about this experience, as I did not dare not share this with anyone within the circle of our common acquaintances. I not only faced the fear in approaching him with the inevitable question but the possible disappointment with what I feared his answer would be. Additionally, I take pride in the fact that I keep my “situationships” private, where they belong. My nearest and dearest friend would say, “this is not the Trina I know…the Trina I know does not know fear of the unknown, as she treads where most mortals dare not enter.” She was right…why was I so scared?

A few days later, on another chance encounter, I would suddenly notice he had retreated back to his serious, cautious, reserved nature. Perhaps it was the unsightly knee bandages…OR…perhaps he was growing weary from his admirable but unsuccessful attempts to swoon me over to the dark side of a marital affair.

Finally, I bit the bullet and asked another nearest and dearest friend (inside our circle but completely trustworthy) if she knew if our mutual friend was still married. If there had been a status update, I would be the last to know since I generally do not travel in the gossip lane. This policy has served me well through the years; however, this piece of knowledge may have proved beneficial in this particular case. Much to my dismay, she DID know and replied, “he is divorced…it was final this summer.”

This answer came at me like a double edged sword. In one sense, I was relieved but on the other hand, I felt like I was having the worst case of assumption versus reality ever! OMG would not even begin to describe how horrified I felt…kind of like thinking you had taken the last step to suddenly realizing there was one more step. My response to my source was “can you still run away with the circus?…asking for a friend.” Her laughter in response began to fade as I retreated, notifying my friend that I was going home to alcohol…some for my scraped knees and some for my internal regret…so that I can overthink and internalize, as the listless night begins to set in.

Moral of the story: Have the courage to face the unknown / OSHO

 

 

It has been a while since I have actually completed a blog. I would start several drafts on several different topics but then I would get sidetracked. I have been waiting to find the same wavelength I had when starting them, to complete them. Therefore, I am saving some time by rolling several topics into one, in order to free up some space in my draft files. Technical communication, covid-19 pandemic and this week’s full moon gave me the idea for this  newest blog.

Before I begin, let me first ask this question:  Do we really want 2020 to disappear? So often lately, I have seen quotes and memes suggesting this has been the worst year…and the proposal is made to jump ahead to a New Year. Personally, I feel that 2020 has not been catastrophic. Sure, it has certainly been a time when uncertainities, challenegs and unprecedented insecurities have peaked in the Headline News. However, the issues that have come to light have always been lurking in the shadows…but because the global pandemic has caused us to slow down from our otherwise hectic life, the reality of universal power struggles and unethical behavior have come into sharper focus. For example:

• Wildfires have occured throught world history.
• 2020 is not the first time the US has ordered a hit on a foreign leader in order to prevent future attacks.
• This would not be the first year that family members stepped down/back from family responsibilities.
• As unfortunate as it is, it is not the first year that American Soldiers have been injured or killed during international power struggles.
• It is not the first year an international flight has crashed, killing all passengers on board.
• It would not be the first year that we have faced a potentially serious or fatal illness.
• It is not the first year that we have had a President to face possible impeachment.
• It is not the first year a sports athlete or celebrity have met their fatal demise in plane/helicopter crash.
• It is not the first time a state has parted ways with their country.
• It would not be the first time a person of significant status has been accused of sexual allegations.
• It is not the first time a politician running for office has dropped out of a race or campaign.
• It is not the first time Dow has plunged…to recover some time later.
• Although not since 1944, it is not the first time the Olympics have been postponed or cancelled.
• Child exploitation and sex trafficking have existed for decades.
• Racism, unfortunately, has been around longer than the past immediate issue.
• Riots have always been around and seem to resurrect when the world is in turmoil and at odds.
• Deciding on whether to pay Peter or Paul during furlough or lay-offs, while waiting on unemployment, is not anything new for some.
• Injustices being “swept under the rug” have also existed for quite some time. In today’s world, transparency is a new concept. 

On a higher note, there has been positive energy to occur this year, as well as the devestaing occurences.

• Super Bowl latino celebrity duo during halftime.
• Countries joining forces to aide in combatting Australia’s wildfires.
• Healthcare workers working around the clock to provide their care and compassion for covid-19 patients.
• Italians singing from their balconies, while maintaining social distancing.
• We have been able to  observe hilarious viral videos of people coping with boredom in quarentine.
• People have become creative with art and writings, taken to the outdoors more, working in their gardens, focused more on exercise and wellness, read more, caught up on chores and projects at home, enjoyed silence and stillness, listened to music, communicated with loved ones and friends more, rewrote a budget better suited for economic recession, etc.
• Nursery and Garden Center profits and backyard pool industries have soared this year
• Some have even received complimentary seeds from China for their gardening projects

The second question is what would we carry over from our experiences in 2020 to the new year in 2021? There are memes to suggest alot of people have not been affected by quarentine (as others may have experienced) due to their pre-exisitng lifestyle.  I, for one, have not done anything differently in the last 4 months than I would normally do. The one exception would be wearing masks, which I do not have a problem with. Additionally, I always have enough to keep me busy, tending to projects & goals, for anyone to hear me complain about boredom.

In this era of social media, how has social distancing and/or isolation affected you? Again, I feel very little effect, since nothing changed with my routine outside of working at the office. I did, however, have my cable turned back on for the idle evenings without time spent at the barn. If you recall, I discontinued my cable and internet service (along with nail and hair salon visits) last November so that I could afford to feed my last equine prisoner. You, see I was already preparing for furlough and did not realize it at the time…lol! Once I returned to work, I discontinued service again so that I could catch up after feeding the equine prisoners double their rations in April.

On the other hand, however, the youngest tiny human became extremely restless and bored, depsite her access to every social media outlet ever invented.  As a result, she ended up in the hospital for a week with an open fracture in her foot, after “hood surfing”. How this dangerous stunt resurrected from my teenage years without my awareness is beyond me! The injury was significant enough to have an ambulance transport her to the hospital so that she would not have to wait with the onslaught of covid patients in the waiting room. She was able to get right in, evaluated and promptly rolled into the first of multiple surgeries. Her Dad nor I were allowed in the hospital, due to the environmental conditions. All communications and updates were by phone. Needless to say, there were many moments of anxiety…but faith and prayer prevailed.

This brings me to technical communication and covid-19. Other than what is required to communicate with others in today’s world, I am not a huge fan of social media outlets. I graduated from the typewriter to a computer keyboard without too much incidence. I have gone from the first big, heavy mobile phones, to flip phones, to smartphones without  too many issues. I can copy, fax, scan and email. However, I am old school and prefer communicating by phone, writing or in person. Obviously ,I have had to evolve with progressive times and gradually educate myself with the age of Technology. The only reason I will text is because my tiny humans would not answer my phone calls but would immediately respond with a text…lol! Then, there was the familiarization process with texting shorthand. I will participate on Facebook and WordPress but disregard all other social media outlets (Youtube, Tweet, Myspace, Snap Chat, Tik Tok, Ebo, Instagram, etc.)…simply because I cannot remember all the passwords I used to sign up, initially. On the other hand, the above options come in handy and prove to be a survival tactic with millenials during isolation and/or quarentine. I told the nurses at the hospital, they MAY just surive a week with Jordan if they provide a means and a way to keep her phone charged…Lol!

Finally, this week’s full moon in Aquarius is poised to deliver a powerful jolt, acting as a serious wake-up call for those floating along in denial and our involvement in the collective we associate with.  It is always best to remain open-minded and grounded when these awakenings occur.

When this level of shaky uncertainty enters our life, it allows us to see what is weak and needs to fall, and what is strong. Whatever withstands the shaking remains, whatever was already weak will fall away. See entire article at link, below:

https://foreverconscious.com/intuitive-astrology-aquarius-full-moon-august-2020 

 

Take home message: as I have said before, the universe has sent us a wake-up call. It is up to each and every one of us to decide how we will learn from and react to 2020 events.  Every race and every culture has good and bad apples…just as there are good public safety officers, judicial/legal personnel, politicians…and corrupt ones. Let’s face it…some people are not just missing a screw but they are missing the whole tool box! I believe transparency, fairness, equality, justice, peace and love will prevail but how much loss, hatred, greed, cruelty, prejudice must humanity endure before we come together as one people, one nation, and one universe?

Finally, if you feel strongly about a movement…engage in supporting the cause, stand up for what you believe in, be a voice for the unheard…BUT…with empathetic compassion, not evil surgence. I am not suggesting you rescue Gotham City by any means but it’s very simple, really…all we have to do is treat others like we would want to be treated.

I do not profess to have this quality 100% of the time… in fact far from it, as most of us imperfect humans. In hindsight, perhaps it was the NOT the most sensitive of words to escape my mouth when the youngest tiny human calls me (hysterical) from the ambulance…only for me to ask her, “well did you learn anything from your experience?” When I fail, I fail miserably! However, when I am insensitive, it usually arises out of fear. Once the shock settled (somewhat) 3 sentences into the conversation, I regained my composure and managed to convey (in my most genuine heartfelt maternal love for this reckless child of mine), ” I am so sorry, sweetie…I wish I could take your place so you would not have to experience this pain…I love you to the moon, stars and back…be strong and call me when the doctor comes in to review your injuries.”

If we understand God’s plan and respond in ways that the universe is calling us to do, we may just be able to free ourselves from this perceived seige we are under…and still go glamping with our sisterhood when retired 🙂

Be safe, stay well…and may the force be with us all!