Author: pegasus8mywings

While I would spend most rainy days writing a blog, I chose to catch up on inside chores yesterday due to the all day rain. Today, however, you could barely tolerate the humidity, although the Georgia swamp temps were not at their all time highest. I chose to feed the horses first and see if it becomes more tolerable in the evening.

When my dad and I were having a business discussion recently, he followed up on my disclosures by saying, “that is called window dressing”.  Having never heard that term before, I was prompted to ask him to explain his statement. However, I did not need to. As a designer by nature, I immediately grasped the meaning behind this terminology, which could apply to various aspects in life:

• A company or corporation that  markets reports and figures for the means of financial gain or assets.
• Accounting shields actual records or delays transactions for the sole purpose of profit margins.
• Publicizing notoriety or popular demand, despite slippage in sales or demand.
• Posting or advertising inflated worth or validation on social media.
• Preparing exterior facets to mislead the intent or content of interior function or stability
• Government portraying to governed people that they have complete control on welfare of nation or have governed body in their best interest.
• Feeling the need to control or micro-manage people, collevtive body or establishment for the sake of superiority
• Press or journalism controlling what you read or hear to manipulate your thoughts or emotions.
• Government bodies falsifying data to obtain their own personal agenda or motives

This is by no means a complete list but hopefully raises questions and awareness with some of my readers as to some of society’s manipulative tactics.

All of the above scenarios could easily describe recent current events from the covid-18 pandemic, racist acts of violence, corruption, government agenda, corporate ethics, etc…

Someone asked me the other day…”how many different vehicles do you own/drive”? My response was, “whichever dinaseur happens to run that day”. There are no false pretenses or unwarranted glorifications here…lol! “What you see or know, where I am concerned, is what you get”!

Take home message: trust your instincts, do not take everything at face value, do your research before drawing conclusions, stay true to self, exercise compassion and empathy, exercise caution when in doubt…AND…most importantly, operate on your own cognizance and merit for the sake of value, worth, morals, personal dedication/devotion, observation, instinct and intellect.

Finally,…know your dad is a VERY, VERY wise business man…and father 🙂

While I had the meat and bones of this blog in place, I was struggling with a title and a way I could neatly package my thoughts together. Then it hit me on this rainy morning…

As I have been working on this piece, I could not help but wonder if my intuitive nature somehow predetermined my prior blogs about stillness, empath’s social distancing, etc. While I do write about what moves me at that given time, I cannot answer this question for certain. A friend suggested just the other day that I was living my dream in social isolation…lol!

When you go thru a pandemic as we are currently experiencing, you gain insight to the following lessons:

• When all you hear or read begins to center around Covid-19 symptoms, you begin to wonder if every little ailment means you have the coronavirus.
• What is worse is that this virus displays many of the same symptoms as your typical Spring allergies.
• You have the local entrepreneur who makes elderberry syrup on speed dial. Forget the precise measurements, it becomes much easier to take a swig 2 x daily.
• You realize you cannot stretch the dollar to hoard conveniences…and compromise accordingly.
• The exception may be hay for the horses since shipments from out of state are being delayed at road blocks
• Consider yourself lucky if your place of business remains open one week.
• Consider yourself lucky if you are one of 10 remaining employees when everyone else is furloughed  the next week.
• Consider yourself lucky the following week when place of business is shut down that you have 4 weeks of PTO time at pre-cut salary
• You opt to take PTO time instead of unemployment because you have too many bills to pay.
• Additionally,  you cannot afford to have your insurance messed up during this uncertain time. This is especially true if you have 2 daughters that refuse to practice social distancing.
• Send your daughters to their dad’s since they feel they are exempt from the pandemic risks.
• Consider paying bills with sheets of toilet paper.
• Consider whether or not there is enough emoilient in the world to replenish prunish hands from washing numerous times throughout the day.
• Wear in-between work clothes to work during last week after cutbacks and before furlough since you are not certain where you will be needed.
• Begin to feel fortunate that you had already cut back cable, hair salon, and nail salon.
• You do not have the money to be out and about anyway during shelter in place.
• When your barn makes the call to close to boarders after Governors call for shelter in place, you make an extremely tough decision to relocate them during this temporary time due to their special needs.
• Management of home barn is understanding and gracious about temporary relocation.
• Recieving barn is understanding and compliant with special needs of horses during your absence.
• Special needs can be met because of 24/7 team members that live on site.
• Alternate location sends photos and/or texts each day to provide peace of mind regarding their welfare.
• Enjoy the time you get to sleep later than 5 AM…you are paying premium price to do so AND may never get to do so again in your life time.
• When you stress over finances, trust God will provide.
• Feel grateful that taxes were extended 90 days.
• Fervently look for the stimulus check to arrive.
• Feel grateful that your partner in crime and her husband (Sea Island chef) and mother feed you…not out of necessity but for the fear you will wither away from being too busy to eat.
• Purchase fly sheets for the Canadian horse that is not accustomed to bugs…or, consequently, fly spray.
• Spend the extra time time with pets.
• Wash hair, shave legs, DIY mani/pedicures
• Sit on the front porch when it is raining and contemplate earth’s beauty and her ability to nurture life around her.
• Take naps when feeling run down from the physical overload of catch-up chores
• Wash vehicles to rid of leaves, tassels and pollen. Plan to repeat every other day until mid May.
• Blow off driveway. Plan to repeat every other day unless you want to rake your driveway in the end.
• Observe your OCD taking over when you are isolated at home for 4 weeks.
• Spend as much time outdoors when the weather is nice and plan indoor activities for rainy days.
• Spend more time exercising, especially since you will not be riding during shelter in place.
• You feel elated when your barn closes to the public (before closing to boarders)…no more dodging the tourists for a while.
• The pandemic crisis does not effect your life of isolation and social distancing, as an empath.
• Even when the environmental situation ceases, please maintain the 6 ft protocol where I am concerned.
• You begin to question what day of the week it is.
• On the rare occasion, you venture outside of your home out of necessity, you witness a compassionate gentleman on the hair color aisle in CVS, with phone to his ear looking for the dictated shade of color for recipient. I wish I had my phone with me to capture this endearing moment!
• Plan on cleaning essentials ahead of time since you know you will be tending to “Spring Cleaning” chores.
• Stockpile on super glue and duck tape, as you can use this time “fixin’ broke stuff” (maintenance chief’s quote at work)
• Feel sympathy for your garbage collector during this time since you are deep cleaning and purging.
• Grab your disposable gloves from locker at barn to use as a safety precaution in public places.
• Question the doctor that comes into the convenience store in his scrubs on his way home.
• Question the person who enters your nearby convenience store with a mask…is that person contagious or simply being cautious?
• The church you love (but grew too large for your empath comfort) is now offering on-line services…YAY!
• When a barn peep starts a conversation about Italy banning riding (due to hospital overcrowding) as you are heading out  ride one of your horses, you suddenly feel as though your riding feels SO insecure that day.
• You hope scratches, blemishes and cuts from yardwork heal before being allowed in public again for one’s fear of you having leprosy.
• When finances are guarded, at best, during this environmental uncertainty, is when you feel the need for retail therapy but have no money for such foolishness.
• Instead you find the thrill of mending, tending and breathing life into salvage or winterized plants.
• When you are too late to get the extra toilet paper before furlough, paper towels will work as long as disposed in plastic grocery bags instead of toilet.
• Alcohol and Listerine work great in absence of Clorox wipes…again you were behind the eight ball before furlough. I always clean with Listerine, anyway, because bleach can be toxic to my birds.
• Set out to get tonic water in the event you succumb to illness. Quinine in tonic water was used to help combat malaria in earlier years.
• Entertain yourself by walking around or over freshly laundered rugs to preserve their fluffiness.
• Participate in the concentration games on FB during breaks to exercise your mind.
• Start your day with exercise to give you the pep to tackle the more dreaded tasks.
• When your vacuum cleaner bites the dust (no pun intended), borrow your mother’s to finish the job at hand. Simply have her place it on front porch for pick-up to eliminate possible contamination.
• Never mind wearing masks when in essential places, you will need one when stirring up dust particles in your house.
• Question your mental state when you start having conversations with Myrtle (resident rat snake) when she appears. Worse…when you start feeding her a duck or chicken egg.
• Same doubt of mental wellness occurs when Maple (long time salamander resident on front porch) appears and you begin conversing with her.
• Congratulations, you have found every matching Tupperware lid!
• Now, if you can just find that last sock mate that you have determined was consumed in the dryer.
• Become more aware of your neighbor’s routines and schedules.
• Call your elderly neighbor to check on her. Never mind the phone conversation lasted 2 hours…you just successfully stalled on rearranging the dust in your house that much longer.
• Finally take the time to roll up the extension cord to the blower correctly. Perfect this task until you do not have any folds or creases.
• Enjoy meeting Sunshine (Harris Teeter cashier by day and a cop by night). Not only can you use one more public safety allie in your pocket while your tiny humans are on the loose…but she even offers you some of her Purell when departing.
• When finding the next task that needs tending to, walk every corner of your house and yard admiring all of your hard work.
• Enjoy the quiet solitude to reflect on your blessings and find reverence in God’s beauty all around us.
• Wonder when the time comes, will you remember how to dress appropriately to be seen in public again…to include bra and makeup?
• Don’t make any risky moves since your chiropractor is closed during this time.
• Wonder what will happen if everyone is still under house arrest when we enter hurricane season.
• Finally, prepare to do all of this again during the next hurricane evacuation 🙂

Take home message…time keeps moving. It is about how we move and synchronize to God’s calling and the given current environmental situation.

Consider the salamander’s characteristics…they are content in their burrow for 360 days and have perfected the art of stillness without any concern for what tomorrow will bring. They also have the unique ability to regenerate tails and limbs.

When Maple appears, I know it is a message from the Universe reminding me to be still, be patient, endure the uncertainty and have faith that we will emerge from this time of regeneration.

Walls do not confine us if they are walls we built.

Before I begin, let me first say that I realize I have chosen a controversial subject as my next journal entry…a big risk, I know…but writing is about taking risks. The subject is Church – Religion vs Spirituality. I heard a joke during our recent cumputer upgrades that I would like to share with my readers. One Sunday a minister began his sermon by stating:

“Apple dates back to the days of Adam of Eve.  It took only 1byt…and everything crashed”.

This is where the title of this journel entry was birthed. I wanted to reference this joke to remind my readers that although this is my personal take on Church, this is not meant to be taken too seriously or to offend any of the devout and devoted church goers in any way. As an attempt to keep the subject matter light, I entered some random comic relief to remind us not to take life so seriously.

I was born into a Catholic family, baptized Catholic, went to a Catholic perochial school, received first communion as a Catholic, had a Catholic wedding, both tiny humans were baptized Catholic, and received their first communion as Catholic.

However, at some point after first communion for the tiny humans, I started going to a non denominational church. Why, you ask? First and foremost, the Catholic Church I attended did not have a nursery or child care at the time. Therefore my worship time was spent keeping 2 tiny humans from decorating elder lady’s beehive in front of us with their cheerio snacks for one hour, while I got absolutely nothing from the service. Now, while these are formidable years in teaching tiny humans manners and etiquette, I was missing out on my weekly feast…or had it become famine?

A friend told me about a church that began in worshipers’ homes and had grown to a nearby building…and they had child care during services. So I set out to give it a try the following Sunday, despit my guilt of betraying the Catholic ritual I had dedicated my entire life to, up to that point.

When I checked the tiny humans into child care, I was given a code that would appear on screen if any issues developed during the service. We were not even 10 minutes into the service when…you got it…the code I was given moments before appeared on screen. Well, that first attempt did not go according to plan! However, not one to give up so easily, I made another attempt the following Sunday. My determination served us well, as we were able to get thru the entire mass without the prior embarassing distraction.

Fast forward thru the tiny human’s formidable years, we continued going to the same church while expanding with their growth of time with 3 moves to larger buildings. Eventually, the tiny humans would migrate into the congregation and we looked forward to attending weekly service and the traditional post lunch. I would feel like I had 1 foot in the grave by the time we settled on a place to eat after church…but that is another story for another day.

There would be times I would question my loyalty to the Catholic Church and confronting the inevitable emotions, as a result. Had I abandoned my birth-right religion and/or faith? Was I neglecting my duties and responsibilities as a Catholic?

My parents, needless to say, were not thrilled with my initial decision but understood my reasoning and supported my cause as long as I continued going to church. My brother, by this time, faced the same dilema with the lack of child care at the Catholic Church and moved on to find a church that catered to his family’s needs.

In the meantime, the church we had been attending continued to grow by leaps and bounds. The tiny humans were at the age where they would be embarking on their own life journey and making their own decisions. Additionally, the larger than life church commune had outgrown my comfort zone and subsequently, I discontinued attending weekly services. To no fault of the pastor, I suddenly experienced unexplicable anxiety when I would awaken on Sunday mornings. I felt that the comfort and security of our (once) small church community began to fade into the crowd and eventually the intended value for me would disppear into the background, as well. What I once regarded as a close knit family suddenly became a weekly social gathering of polished inauthenticity (to some degree).  I would begin to fill ill at ease because I could no longer see the crown of thorns for all of the “bling”, far exceeding the average “Sunday’s best”. Consequently, the facades would begin to vibrate and threaten to invade my energy field.

In defense of this church, I would like to empasize that the growing pains were/is a testament to the inspiring ministry talents of the pastor and should not go without recognition of this fact. He has had a HUGE, HUGE impact on our community and I am  a HUGE follower of his contributions.

That was several years ago and I have been quite content with serving my creator in the quiet confines of my own sanctum since that time. There is no recycling of traditional readings or the stoic nature of rituals in the Catholic Church…OR…feeling like I need to dress for the cover of Vogue magazine to attend a weekly socialite gala. I do, indeed, miss the pastor’s inspiration and my safety net of the original founding families…but the services, unfortunately, migrated into sensory overload for me.

One may suggest that the church can help me overcome these issues. I have lived half a century with my sensitive sensory perceptions and that would be diverting attention away from what I need most…inspiration to be a better person with each passing day…not learning how to adjust my auditory senses to the music shaking the very foundation the church was built. If I forfeited an ideal opportunity to attend a Stevie Nick’s concert, I highly doubt anyone is going to teach this old dog new tricks at this point in my life. I did, however, attend a Sarah Brightman concert…but only because I figured the audience would be one of a calmer nature. One may also suggest that it is the coming together of followers in a sacred building that is “the church”. While that may be true, I truly believe you can practice spirituality without ever going to a temple. While a pastor/priest follows their calling to deliver’s God’s message, religion caters towards following the messenger while spirituality caters towards following the messages. One may say, “it is not about you…it is about others in your covenant. It is about you being a testimony, lending support, encouragement, etc…” I believe this also…but I am not about one anothering…hell, it is all I can do to remember my right hand from my left hand on certain days. I certainly don’t want to be the one to add fuel to a fire, so to speak. Trust me when I say that I am the last person you would want to indoctrinate a futile situation when my vocabulary is 50% swearing and 50% sarcasm. “Furthermore, I had my sights on the promised land before you were born” would also be something that would roll off my tongue (the speak first, think later syndrome I suffer from). Furthermore, leading the Sunday school class would not be in my reportoire either. I would be like, “raise your hand if you love Jesus”. Signaling out the child texting on their cell phone…”raise your hand if you would like to meet Jesus” (while lifting child’s hand). Nah…I think it is far safer for everyone if I leave the leadership roles to the more disciplined souls.

Tradition is an in inherited, established, customary pattern of thought, beliefs, actions or behavior. It is cultural continuity in social attitudes and institutions to please someone else or to be accepted. At some point, I asked myself “why in the heck am I doing this”? Certainly not because I am an exemplary role model, but instead someone who seeks guidance, counts their blessings, gives thanks, seeks forgiveness…whether in a crowded building once a week or throughout each moment of each day.

A few days ago, a team member in another department asked me if I used to attend festivals? The question caught me off guard at first…until my hesitation prompted her to say “you seem like such a free spirit”. After a brief chuckle, I responded by saying “if you are referring to someone who is poor in money and rich in blessings…yes, that would be me”!

In closing, I have absolutely nothing against Church or people that go to church. In fact, I think church is exactly where one needs to be if they are lost, depressed, grieving,etc. The church can be a support system or a life line for those that have lost hope or faith. It becomes a matter of what works for each individual. It just so happens that for an empath like myself, the sensory stimulation of the described church I attended simply grew too uncomfortable for me. Faith is about our creator…and I do not feel that you are limited to showing your love for him and serving him in a building or temple. When fellowship drowns out the courage to be your authentic self, it is time to review your loyalties without the fear of ridicule, regardless of what or who keeps you grounded. Everyday should be a celebration of life, our blessings, our differences, our cultures, our heritages, loving one another…most importantly sharing the grace of our heavenly father. These things cannot be taught…they come from within each and every one of us. Like Apple, we just need to install updates periodically so that all the componets of humanity continue to work as they should.

Have a Blessed day…and may our universal force be with us 🙂

We have had a rainy season and therefore, I have been able to complete more journal entries than I typically would in one season. One evening at home, as I was winding down after my evening chores, I put my mind to use trying to come up with a theme for my next journal entry. Suddenly, I looked at the clock and realized I spent from 8PM until 9PM trying to find that one word that would match my mood of the evening…and only had 3 topics jotted down as possabilites. Where did the time go? How did I waste 1 hour and only have 3 topics on paper to show for that hour? The three words I had written down on a blank sheet of paper in 60 minutes were : Loyalty, Church and Flexibilty. Feeling a little frustrated, I received a text from the eldest daughter asking If I could proof read her thesis if she were to send it to my phone. Although, I had already geared my mindset for bed by this time, I said “yes”. After all, perhaps this could be my redemption for wasting precious time.

I lead a relatively busy life so I am used to being on the go from 5AM until 8-9PM. If I am not physically engaged in my schedule, I am mentally engaged until bed time. If I am not tending to my Ark, the tiny humans or work, I am tending to some new creation or riding. Many people have commented thru the years that they don’t know how I do what I do each day. I guess I have just conditioned myself to thinking that’s just how life is. Sure, there have been – and are – days that I feel I can barely keep up but I am one to become easily bored if I do not have some task that needs tending to.

Then the eureka moment hits me…quiet time will be the subject of my next journal entry. Now that Morgan’s thesis had been proof read and journal theme has been established…off to bed I go, feeling an improved sense of accomplishment.

The next evening it is still raining so my chores at the barn were, again, fewer than most evenings. I can hardly wait to get home and begin with my thoughts and words on this entry.

Before I begin, I would like to remind you that our household during childhood was run like a military boot camp…early to bed, early to rise, government temps, if you were not doing homework, you were doing chores or going to church. Therefore, there is no doubt where I would I learn to mirror “busy-ness”.

If we were on a road trip and happened to pass what appeared to be a homeless person, I could not help but wonder how bored they must be each day. Mind you, my father was the sole provider when we were growing up, while my mother stayed at home tending to all of our needs (and the needs of my live-in grandmother and great grandmother). We by no means had a lavish life and nothing was ever handed out on a silver platter. We led a simple life staying busy, earning our keep and living from one paycheck to the next. However, the poor or homelss person does not even have the luxury of “busy-ness”. Their sense of purpose is merely surviving. Finding some place to sleep, seeking protection from weather elements and finding food scraps is their life mission 24 hours each day. While the first and obvious emotion most of us feel is sympathy and compassion…more often than not, I would often feel sadness because I knew they had to be bored having limted resources to seek variation from day to day.

We learn that essence of time occurs in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks months and years…collaborated points on a continuum.

As I continue my journey on living a meaningful life, I am still learning the value and beauty of still moments. Now that the tiny humans are exploring life away from their nest, I have rediscovered a less structural environment, in which I can enhance on the quiet opportunities. If I should ever have a few moments of idleness, which is rare, some things I resort may be:

• Have a crossword book handy when waiting for doctor or dentist appointments. I keep a book in the vehicle at all times.
• Know where you stand with everyone in your life so as to avoid unnecessary time in communication attempts.
• Know that what was left unsaid in any relationship means everything, so as to avoid any unnecessary follow-up.
• Know that an unresolved problem is a truth to be accepted.
• Do not adjust your boundaries to indulge disrespect
• Make time for your creator, as he makes time for you
• Write a letter instead of relying on email or text.
• Disconnect remaining 3 tvs in your house. Congratulations…you now have a total savings of $350 a month in total (see Homesteading on a Budget).
• Take more time for self care. Shave the tree forest on your legs, perform the self pedicure/manicure, trim the ends of your hair while you notice how fast your gray hair is taking over, etc…
• Take the time to check on your elderly neighbor.
• Take the extra minuite to appreciate the life-time courtship of your doves.
• Realize upfront that you are better suited for solo sports than team sports because as an empath you would never forgive yourself if you let your partner or team down.

• Learn that when someone retires…they take their decision seriously. Forgo the attempts to try and convince them otherwise. When your loyal friend and hairdresser retires, do not continue to show up on her doorstep. When the farrier you used for years retires, do not haul the horse(s) into his front driveway with the hopes that he will not turn you away.
• Take the extra time to comfort your blind senior dog in his numbered days left with you. Relieve his faithful companion to hang out with the homestead while you carefully guide his  partner to favorite areas of the yard.
• Observe the one remaining feline gravitate towards senior canine, as he did a former senior dog shortly before he left this realm. Yes, cats can indeed sense ill health…
• Discover the discipline of tighter budgets when horses are due for coggins, teeth floating, hoof trims, immunizations and worming within a month’s time.
• Spend a few minutes watching tassels and his friends (see Tassel’s Misadventures) mischievously playing as the wet winter days morph into longer warmer days.
• Purchase the $4.99 bouquet of fresh flowers to add color to your sanctum while at the grocery store

• Travel with your favorite scented candle to remind you of your sanctum while in the hotel room.
• Take the extra time for a luxurious bath in your garden tub instead of the hurried shower.
• Add a sprig from your eucalyptus tree to your shower for refreshing aroma.
• Take that much needed nap to recharge.
• Since ALL of your TVS are now disconnected, listen to your favorite music as you drift into slumber.
• Take a walk on the beach to remember that you actually live on a barrier island.
• Return to or visit a home that has a screen door that shuts behind you as you enter house.
• Browse through old photos while visiting same family home. Continue to search for  old photos to contribute to the CPHS page on FB (see Cannons Point Hunt Stables that Trace and I created)
• Take time out for the traditional family picnic on familial homestead.
• Don’t feed your expectations…just go with the flow of the tides
• A very sentimental activity I shared with a dear late friend of mine was to take turns sharing one word each morning and have the other one share dialogue using that word. Not only was this activity fun and challemging but it was a caring distraction for my friend in his last stages of cancer several states over.

While there are so many other examples of being in the moment with life silences…the main lesson is knowing how to respond to these graceful moments with purpose. Instead of raising the bar on productivity, be still once in a while and let the universe speak to you with her magic.

I have had random comments on my blogs, as of late, and the most common remark has been “I did not know you were a writer”. I am always quick to reply “I am not certain I qualify as a writer but I like to journal”. The next question will usually be “when did this come to light”?

I had really never given much thought to this question until now. One of my favorite teachers (and there were several, since I loved English and Literature) would begin her class each day by having the class write in their journal for 10 minutes. Since I knew they were reviewed and graded at the end of the week, I was somewhat guarded with my entries. As an introvert, I would not allow my depth and honesty transfer to paper. Instead, I kept my entries shallow and brief… but what I did not realize at the time is that this door opened other creative outlets.

Another English teacher taught drama. I was intrigued with that possibility, as well. Now, knowing good and well that you would never get me on stage, I still signed up for the elective out of curiosity. I will have you know that I did end up on stage but only if I could be granted a one line part of the play…lol.

The next year, I signed up to be a teacher’s aide for another favorite English teacher, grading papers.

All of these experiences helped to bring me out of my painfully shy shell…whether I realized it or not at the time.

Fast forward several decades, I was at a point in my life when I thought I had gained enough introspection thru my life journey that I would begin journaling again…but this time without guarded insecurities. It was only when a mentor suggested I publish my journals on WP, that I was quick to dismiss the suggestion. After all, I prefer to be backstage and under the radar. I have never been one to seek or draw attention to myself… and certainly did not want to open up my personal thoughts for scrutiny, ridicule or criticism. Some time passed, as I continued to journal for my own fulfillment, when the same mentor would suggest that I may never know if others would enjoy my writings if I did not share them.

What happened next was only a mere attempt to avoid further discussion on the matter…and I published my next journal entry. Afterwards, I wanted to just hide under my bed covers…I felt that my privacy had been invaded that evening. I still cannot go back and read any of my prior blogs without critiquing my work.

As an introvert, I would always stay in my own little corner, fearful of an action that would prompt discipline. This is not to suggest, however, that I have led a saintly or “holier than thou” life…in fact, far from it! As a result, I was never the parent that thought my children could do no wrong. Since they were a part of me, I knew they were not only capable…but probably perfected the less than ideal words or actions. My daughters are convinced that I worked with the FBI in a prior life since I was deemed capable of  knowing how and where to find them, forecasting every word, action or feeling they would ever do, say or feel. Life would be so simple if that were the case. The reality is that these abilities are the shadow side to being an empath.

I received notification from my mentor the following day, there were some like-minded people that liked the random thoughts I had shared. She preceded with “now, what you need to do…”and I abruptly cut her off by saying “nothing…I do not need to do anything  else”. “But wait…you now need to share your publishings”. “I what”?!@#. That is how my journals were brought to light (the word blog makes it sound like the idea was intentional on my part). It was not about seeking acceptance, recognition or validation. Instead, it was about the off chance that if any of my writings inspired just one person…then, it is worth baring my naked soul to discover the significance of writing.

What I did discover that day is that there was a certain freedom about going public with my self expressions. It was about harnessing authenticity, honesty and having the courage to put myself on the line.

Having said that, I  would never write on demand or upon request. To capture the true essence of myself, writings cannot be forced…they happen on their own merritt and in their own time. It could be a random statement that someone makes or the inspiration may hit me while loading the dishwasher.

I remember my mother encouraged me to consider Art School, as my parents have always been my biggest fans of my drawings, paintings and musings. Once again, I dismissed the idea and the dream of a lifetime, simply because my home /garden designs and paintings come to fruitation when I least expect the inspiration to occur. I will leave that crown where it rightfully belongs…with Elaine Griffin…mon cher ami and French classmate for 4 years.

This would kind of go hand in hand with the Landscaper, as an example. After one spends his work week manicuring client’s yards, you may least expect their yard to look like Jardins du Palais Royal. After all, why would you want to perform the 40 (+) hours of maintaining yards to spend your down time doing the same thing at home? This would also be the reason I eventually decided to adjourn from the working student opportunities I had in the riding industry during a 3 year stint. I stayed so busy tending to other horses, that I rarely had the energy to supplement any down time with my own horses.

My father on the other hand, thought I should consider going to Law School since I had an innate ability to present a plausible platform for probable cause and reason…lol! By the time, the debate was over, I managed to sway even his engineering mind to consider reasonable doubt. Again, this would mean being on stage and I wanted no part of it.

Writing for me is simply a reflection of who I AM…not who I strive to be or those that I would love to emulate when I “grow up”. Two such people come to mind with this statement, my mother and Scarlett. There is nothing more that I could say here that I have not said about my mother before…she is God’s rare and beautiful gift to all that know her while we travel this journey called life together. Anyone and everyone that knows Scarlett could never deny that she is one of the sweetest, kindest and dearest people you will ever meet! I laugh when I say this because there have been so many occasions when colleagues or clients would inquire in awe…:”is she real”? As an empath, I can assure you that Scarlett is real…110% real.

I am always content in the cozy little corner of my sanctum with little desire to engage in social events…unless I know I will be in the company of authentic people. It is rare that I will retreat from my corner…unless I feel an over-compelling desire to act as an advocate on behalf of an innocent child, animal or elder. I am not one to typically go against the norm…but when I do, rest assured, it is because I have a strong conviction  That is the raw edge of my persona that I hope the world does not have to observe or witness too often. Writing is often more comfortable for me than engaging in verbal communication. It is not only therapeutic but it has proven to be a very satisfying and fulfilling component to pursuing creative passions.

Often times you will notice bullets in my journal entries, which are implemented to satisfy my OCD tendencies…to organize my otherwise random thoughts and to maintain rhythm of soulful expression. Typically, any thoughts, words, vision, inspiration and ideas come about in the early morning hours while the rest of the world is still asleep. This…and Pallas (the rooster)…is the motivation that moves me to get up each day and find inspiration in anything and everything throughout the new day. It certainly is not because I am anxious to work hard for that which does not bring meaning to my life.

Collection of favorite inspirational books

Craft Room

Some of the most influential books I read early in life were written by Alexandra Stoddard. She quickly became my favorite inspiration – not only regarding interior design – but for her grace notes to living a beautiful life. My motto has always been to love the life you are living…and everything about Alexandra’s philosophies resonated with my energy. Once my mother discovered how enthralled I was with her work, she would purchase every new book of hers for me, as encouragement to stay on the enlightening path I had embarked on, as a result. The pages of her books would become so worn over the years but I still have each and every one ever published. I would even create a craft room in later years that would accommodate a wide selection of wrapping paper, stationary and every imaginable gifting and writing accessory I could get my hands on.

I am constantly plagued by the thought, “Am I living my dream”? “Am I serving my purpose”? This, I am not certain. If I should ever reach an euphoric epiphany…I will let you know. In the meantime, I will continue finding balance between reality and dreams, finding harmony in being and doing, processing the wisdom of age…and growth with experience. This, I know for certain 🙂

As I am tending to my chores this morning, I begin contemplating events scheduled for the day…a funeral and a wedding. I think it is the first time I would attend a memorial and a celebration in one day and I begin processing how I will transition my emotions from one event to the next. It then occurs to me that both events are a celebration of life and my anxiety begins to settle a bit.

I have fallen behind on sharing my memories of Kathy Lupo…perhaps because I have still been processing another beautiful life taken from us way too soon. Thru this process, the words simply were not rushing to me with any sense of urgency…though I tried. It was when I realized that love has no deadlines, the words started flowing thru my mind effortlessly and seamlessly. I learned a long time ago that writing cannot be forced when it is meant to come from the heart.

• Simply put, Kathy was an angel of God…someone who we could all hope to exemplify. With 40 years of dedicated service, Kathy had the longest tenure with our King and Prince family. Kathy had exceeded the could have and should have of retirement not just because she loved her job but because she loved her extended family so much. She was a dedicated mother, wife, daughter, sibling and dear friend who endured unfortunate health challenges thru the years due to car wreck, throat cancer, subsequent eating challenges as a result of cancer treatments, etc… However, you would never know the challenges that Kathy faced on a daily basis because her radiant, beautiful love for life never deviated…she was our blossom of sunshine each and every day…someone who inspired each and every one of us with her strength and devotion. She was not only a pillar of strength for her loved ones but in her church, attending mass, choir, bible study groups and yoga…when she was able.
• When Kathy was not tending to her flock or engaged in church activities, she could be found walking or doing yard work, as she loved to be outside.
• Kathy had a K&P baseball cap in every color ever made thru the years. Since it was required to wear a cap when working around food, she always made certain that she had one to match her outfit each day.
• Kathy loved to spend time in the thrift stores, while sporting a top the next day that she would proudly announce that she picked up for $3.99. It would be Kathy and our late Alice Wiggins that would instill in me the same rush for the priceless bargain.
• While Kathy was always eager to serve you lunch in her cafe (the break room at work), you were expected to treat her cafe as you would your own dining confines at home.
• You never put anything in the microwave without covering the plate. If you did, you would suffer the unpleasantries of Kathy’s wrath…lol.
• This was only to ensure that every lunch shift had the same privilege of dining in a clean environment as the first shift.
• If there was a limited supply of main entree, Kathy would put up one of  her infamous notes indicating your limited portion. Again, this was to serve no other purpose other than to ensure there would be enough left to feed everyone.
• If Kathy ever slowed down long enough to eat lunch with me, we would engage in conversations regarding her daughter and husband. She would always update me on Mary Beth’s academic achievements, wedding, jobs, Mary Beth’s husband, their visits home, the dogs between all of them, how her husband faithfully and religiously delivered her to work in later years and would pick her up after work, etc…
• Kathy would eventually convince me to drink 1/2 cafe coffee since I am one to drink coffee throughout the day. She even turned me on to the 1/2 cafe brand they sell at Harris Teeter…best invention since sliced bread!
• By nature, Kathy loved the winter but found the summer heat almost intolerable. As a result, she would keep temps in her cafe more to her liking…FRIGID! While those that move around in their jobs found the temp quite pleasant in her cafe, you could always spot the team members that sit at a desk most of the day huddled in the corners of the room, away from the vents.
• Kathy made the BEST COLESLAW EVER!!!  Hot dog and hamburger days will never be the same 😦
• Those that like tuna fish, claim she also made the best tuna fish for deli day. While I have not been able to eat tuna fish since my pregnancies (smell became offensively nauseating), Gene would ONLY stop long enough to eat lunch when Kathy made her tuna fish spread on Fridays.
• Kathy always kept photo boards updated in her cafe. In time, Kathy learned to never point the camera in my direction…lol…but she always took pride in the photo collages thru the years. I did not know until today that after updating collages from time to time, she would hand deliver photos to former team members at home or their present day place of employment.
• Kathy always decorated her cafe with applicable decorations from her personal collections for each approaching Holiday.
• As Ben referenced, Kathy’s zest for life was always reflected with a bright greeting, warm smile and laughter, a hug (sometimes best to have a barrier if you could not predict the enthusiasm behind her bear hugs…lol), a dance…and she would always have music on in her cafe.
• Kathy would always ask where you have been if you were absent more than one day. If I responded, “business travel”…she wanted to know every detail about how my trip went. She had a way of accounting for each and every sheep in her flock on a daily basis.
• Never did you leave her cafe without her asking “did you get enough”? Sure, Kathy…those 2 chicken wings will certainly stick to my ribs for the next 5 hours (when the kitchen was backed up with banquets…so to no fault of Kathy’s). Note: comic relief – simply side stepping with some overdue humor of mine in these moments of grief.
• Although Jerry would instigate endearing debates with Kathy, she would always make certain he had thousand island dressing for his salads.
• Even though Mr. Johnson implemented deli day, he always had a PBJ sandwich…so Kathy would always make sure he had all the makings for such.
• Kathy knew I preferred chicken breast…so she would always make certain there was at least one included in a pan of drum sticks.
• If we should be so lucky to have bacon one day, she would always set some aside for Susan and myself. She knew everyone’s likes and dislikes and would always go out of her way to cater to our nuances without any expectations on our part.

As Julie and I were driving in to work several days ago and in the midst of casual conversation…I slowed down…we both stopped conversing and peered ahead at what we were certain was Kathy walking down the street. With no exchange of words necessary to read one another’s mind, Julie calmly said, “you know she (Kathy) will forever be with us…we were certainly blessed to know such a beautiful soul”.

Kathy touched so many lives…she was loved by all who knew her and will certainly be missed! This realm, as we know it, will not shine as bright without Kathy…BUT…I have no doubt she went thru heaven’s gates dancing. In the meantime, I will smile when I leave the break room each day knowing she is looking down on her flock asking, “did you get enough”?

Dedicated to Kathy…you were the adhesive that held our hospitality family together for 40 years, as evidenced today with respects from past and present team members, managers,  owner, family and friends. RIP my dear friend…heaven will certainly shine bright now that you are home!

Someone asked me about my daughters earlier today, which ultimately prompted a thought for my next blog. I preceded to inquire, “do you mean the eldest collegiate or the youngest wayward millenial…lol?  While it is true that I have two daughters that are totally opposite from one another, the common denominator that comes to mind is GOAL. I thought this would be a a timely topic since the subject of goals has been a prevalent one, as of late.

Morgan arrived in this world in a steady, timely, rock solid, independent fashion. While she possess most of the typical Taurus traits, stubborn is her middle name. She had an agenda from the time she was born and hit the road in a fierce steadfast manner. She knew what she wanted…and she wanted it yesterday…and there has been no stopping her ever since! She excelled in Academics and will be graduating College this May with a major in International Affairs.

Jordan is my creative, imaginative dreamer child.  She is a charming Gemini free spirit that is in no hurry to achieve any significant, life changing accomplishments anytime soon.  Wayward, yes…goal jetting, not so much!

Now, if I could just come up with a way to encourage each of them to meet half way, life would be grande. Morgan has been so busy rushing through her tender years to reach her goals that she has missed opportunities to simply slow down and “just be in the moment” once in a while. Conversely, I can easily envision the youngest to reach retirement age before she ever possibly declares what she wants to do with her life…lol!

Despite the upbringing most of us had where we were applauded each time we learned something new or reached a goal, I think there are times we become too fixated on achieving our goals. I know this sounds strange…but hear me out. All too often, we are told never to give up until we reach our goals. We are in such a rush to have the nice house with the white picket fence and nice family when we should be in love with the process and not the end result. Sometimes, we just want things because we are in love with the idea of those things…BUT…not with the real process of achieving those things.

Several issues with goals is that it instills in us the drive for perfectionism, which leads to low self esteem if goals are not achieved and health issues surrounding the stress of the achievements set forth by one self, society or the work environment. Additionally, you have been conditioned to live in the future thinking about goals instead of the present. Finally, striving for excellence leaves one exhausted and less effective in the long run.

Think of it like the old cliche’ money does not buy happiness…and for those that do…will never have enough in their sense of the word. Suppose you achieved 1 million in profit the first month, the natural thing to do by today’s standards is to strive for 2 million in profit the second month. Psychologists say that we do most things for two reasons…out of fear or out of love. Do you know of anything in this world that has infinite growth? If so, I would like to know because I, personally, do not know of anything.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I can be a push over for challenges. Tell me I can’t and by God, I will show you I can! Sometimes, however, I believe that achieving goals can be trap. Let’s say you have accomplished a challenging goal…congratulations, you have now given your superior every reason to increase this goal. You have several more scenarios like this and you will eventually set yourself up for falling short…it is simply a matter of statistics…nothing more, nothing less. As my own worst critic, it would be in my nature to continue as I always have but also knowing that some things are out of our control.  Do not lose sight of what is important…the happiness and joy of the process and living in the moment. Enjoy the space where you are now… and where you hope to be some day. Don’t fall into the trap of doing only that can be measured or you will be of no value to yourself…or to others. In summary, my belief is that life is best traveled in a curved manner…not a straight line.

At the same token, it is about change to a moderate degree and s t r e t c h i n g goals that will provide freshness, incentive, challenge, ability to process the present, maintain happiness for self and others…and ultimately achieve success for yourself, colleagues, clients and employers alike.

Dedicated to my most precious gifts in life…my daughters. May the eldest learn to slow down and smell the roses once in a while and the youngest step up the pace so that your mom can set goals for that tadpole event or glamping with her sisterhood 🙂

Someone who has been following my blogs asked me the other day…”what is the story on the reoccurring reference to the buggy horse that got away”? After I offered them the comical journey of how I even came across the buggy horse, they inquired why I would want a “buggy Horse”? It then occurred to me that in the time they have known me, they have only identified me with hunters. In reality, I have had exposure to several other disciplines, as well. While driving horses has never been one of them, I keep my options open due to that insatiable desire to learn something new. Hindsight, it was divine intervention that I did not act quickly enough on the buggy horse, since I do not have a cart/carriage and probably will not have the cash flow to purchase one anytime soon. Harley was ultimately purchased by Disney World as one of their carriage horses.

The riding trainer where it all began 48 years ago, was a diverse rider/trainer. Once our green projects were deemed “broke”, we would set off with her to a Fox Hunt one weekend, to an Event the next weekend and a Horse Show the following weekend. On weekends when there was not a scheduled off-site event, she would organize a group of her students to go on a trail ride…complete with packed lunches. Another activity would be to go with her to another one of their farms about an hour away. We would bring in all of the Connemara babies and groom or bathe them. It would be on these visits that we would venture out to pick blueberries once the work was done. Her husband rode western and would hitch one of his  horses up to the carriage or wagon every so often with the students for the likes of checking/mending perimeter fencing or Christmas caroling thru the woods to homes off the beaten path. Down the road, there was a barn that specialized in saddle seat riding and it was not uncommon to wind up there on occasion with friends that rode with that founding family.

While my first love will always be Eventing, there comes a time in one’s life when you decide to choose a more conservative riding lifestyle because you now have dependents that require your presence… in one piece. I had the great privilege of progressing thru training level with one preliminary event under my belt before our barn reverted back to hunter shows. My parents were especially supportive of this discipline because of the lack of red tape politics…either you got the job done or you didn’t…period. While I enjoy the hunter shows, I preferred eventing simply because I am not patient enough to wait around all day for my classes…especially when there are ring conflicts. With eventing, your times are posted ahead of time so there is no getting the horse out to school/warm-up just to put them away and have to begin all over again 4-9 hours later.

Eventing with Ben

Eventing with Ben

Eventing with Ben

Eventing with Ben

Back to the purpose of this blog…I believe there is something to be gained from EVERY riding discipline.

For an example, time spent breezing Race horses helps to build the eventing rider’s endurance and stamina and there would always be the common cross training between the two disciplines, as a result. Since there was not a nearby race track, we would ride the horses to the polo field, shorten our stirrups, regain memory of the earth craters to avoid and race one another around the polo field. It was a good day if you did not have to hoist an injured rider aboard your mount to carry home.

The next day, we would perhaps be instructed to hack/jump around the same polo field in pairs to work on rhythm, while collecting the daisy cutter and lengthening the stride of the sewing machine. This would lend it’s support to the Dressage discipline, especially the pairs class at a Dressage show… which is an art form of and in itself. After enough lessons with the resident Dressage Trainer, you will never forget the wheel barrow technique…I still dream of her repeating those two words to me to this day…until it finally became easier for her to repeat the word “manure” on countless occasions. Basic Dressage and/or lateral work should always be included in any riding discipline. It is not only a good foundation but helps to keep the horse loosened up and supple and therefore, helps to avoid preventable injuries. Conversely, jumping in pairs aides with the steeple chasing sport.

Mounted games/Gymkhanas were part of our childhood growing up. Playing Cowboys and Indians thru the alligator pond will give you the experience of jumping out of a lake on cross country. Imagine how difficult it is to run thru the water in a swimming pool…and then jump out. The alligator pond is a great place to practice impulsion thru water, since the object is to get across the pond before you or your horse fell prey to the gators.

Steeple chasing is also good for the Eventing horse. It is basically the same as cross country except that your horse is not galloping at a massive solid timber obstacle. Since these courses are not native to a coastal island either, your next best option would be to jump the oncoming hedges, as you happen upon a herd of wild boar during your trot sets thru the woods, and your mount takes off back towards the barn.

Trails are good for trot and gallop sets to keep the Event horse fit. You can also work on rider suppleness dodging and clearing out the banana spiders/webs.

Endurance riding is not for the feint of heart. Just as the discipline title suggests, this sport is for the survival of the fittest …for both horse and rider. If you should have something to gain from this sport, I tip my hat to you. It would take months of crunches to prepare for that feeling of dismounting and walking on land after a 50 mile ride…and I would prefer to eat my Nutella, as I watch your 100 mile victory on your Go Pro video. Furthermore, the horse may be apt to pass the vet check but the vet wouldn’t hesitate to call for a stretcher and send me home 2 hours after leaving Base Camp.

I would like to say upfront, this next statement is not to offend any of my present day hunter peeps. Saddle Seat riders, hands down, rock the equitation world. I have observed former saddle seat riders transcend into the hunt seat discipline looking like they were born in the saddle…not even George Morris would find fault with their perfection. Perhaps I should have focused more on saddle seat lessons when I was younger!

Western riding is the long and low of the hunt seat in today’s world AND the dressage discipline with working off the hind end. Having said that, I have trouble riding in the western saddle…especially mounting and dismounting with the horn in the way. This might be a good time to mention that I still ride in my 45 year old flat close contact saddle that looks like it has been to war and back.

Jumping adversely works for the dressage horse…especially when trying to engage the hind end. I have been known to jump a little after warm-up and then settle into lateral work with minimal effort of trying to get the horse to engage.

Princess

Hoover

While a riding colleague is eager to try side saddle, I am hesitant to venture into this unknown territory. First off, it would not be within my budget parameters to purchase a side saddle but the preventative sports medicine side of me cannot understand the concept of concentrating weight and work on only one side of the horse…rider included. My rationale would tell me this may work if you were to alternate sides to maintain equal balance and muscle tone/memory. Having said this, there is absolutely nothing more classical than observing this discipline! I could absolutely try this for the formal, classical attire in itself!

While I admit I know very little about mounted archery, I do have a horse that had a one time owner that was a national contender for mounted archery.  I knew this horse not only had beautiful conformation but she had to be safe and sane to have arrows released between her ears while galloping without rider’s hands for control or guiding.  All she knew was walking and running when I acquired her and there had been NO prior jumping experience. We pulled her heavy weight shoes fit for rough Michigan terrain. In time, this golden gal can now hack and jump in good company.

Polo is another discipline that is not suitable for an amateur rider, like myself. First off, I have vertigo; therefore the twisting and contorting at speed while swinging a polo mallet makes me dizzy just thinking about it. Additionally, I would be prompted to wrap my horse in bubble wrap or a suit of armor while they perform around flying balls and/or mallets. This sport would not be well suited for the horse that trips while cantering down the center line. The same rationale would apply to the barrel racing sport for me, as well.

Another discipline I know very little about is equine vaulting. However, I would imagine the agility, suppleness and fitness of these performers would aide in any riding discipline and come in handy when you need to perform an emergency dismount from the Conjuring.

Pleasure riding may fancy those that ride part time or perhaps those that used to compete but chose to step back due to life stuff, i.e. having children, full-time career, finances, etc. While, this fulfills the passion for the horse and sport… and tending to the entailed responsibilities in the background, it is also an opportunity to pursue continued education and/or implementing skills learned thru the competition years.

Finally, driving, which is the topic that brought this blog to light, is also a discipline I know very little about but something I am very interested in. I had lesson arrangements made, beginning with long lining some time back. As fate would have it, however, that trainer ventured on to other endeavors before we ever commenced with the first lesson.

Deliberating and discriminating my next riding discipline with the moving vet bill(s)…and what emotion the venture will cure… is like a trick question at my age. Until I decide, I will continue sorting thru the jenga of remembering the lateral sequence and keeping my leg on out of the corner when jumping, all while volunteering to keep the trails clear of spider webs for other riders.

With any luck, I can retire my parental obligation to help support college funding for the tiny humans that required modification of any remaining goals from days long ago. I hope to engage in some rusty stirrup lessons and dust off the prior dressage judge’s commentary, “nice plow horse”…and migrate from riding for meaningful pleasure to the potential Tadpole event one day (not to confuse with Kelly’s accomplished nick name “tree frog”). This would be just my speed for returning to the game of “contents under pressure” after all these years. When your saint suddenly becomes a feral after the air horn cues your start time from the holding box and you suddenly find yourselves running thru the water, over the hills and under the boundary tape…smile…remember you paid good money to be doing this again!

.