While I am still struggling with my daughters’ relationship choices, I have diverted my attention and decided to opt for a light, fun blog in time for the Christmas Holidays. Without a doubt, it can be stressful during this time of the year; thus, I have compiled my most immediate thoughts in how to survive with your spirit still in tact:
- First and foremost, decide on this day you do not want to have children. This may come as a surprise to your 18 and 21 year old daughters…but this decision will save Santa on Christmas expenditures. Additionally, we have a long standing tradition in our family…adults do not exchange gifts. Instead, we focus on the children and the real meaning behind Christmas. Since your children are, by all technical standards, now adults…offer them your time together by going to visit someone less fortunate that could use some Holiday cheer.
- Use your savings from above to purchase a few novels on your “must read” list. Take at least one novel with you to Holiday gathering. When over-stimulation of senses begin to set in, retreat to a closet to start reading the first of your long anticipated journeys through someone else’s mind. With any luck, you may get thru significant chapters before your absence is noticed. This “sanity retreat” tactic has been adopted from a fellow soul sister.
- Focus on inspiring people and avoid the ones that annoy you. We are all too familiar with that one Holiday Grinch…do not allow them to rob you of your peace and joy.
- Adhere to a phone call…not 77 text messages to acquire same results. While technology certainly has it’s place in today’s world, I am old fashioned and still prefer direct communication rather than having to locate my reading glasses each time my phone alerts me of an in incoming text.
- Always agree to a hike with someone in worse shape than you. This will accomplish two things: (1) eliminates any desire to push a one mile hike into a 6 mile hike (2) you will feel more accomplished as you struggle to make it to the finish line while your hiking companion is still resting at the halfway mark.
- Listen, smile, agree and do whatever you want to do, anyway. There will be invitations and obligations that come along with every Holiday. You do not need to feel guilty if you are “inclined to decline”. You have earned your right to stay home with your furry and feathered friends on a stormy night rather than visit the twice removed cousin from Alaska that you have never met.
- If Santa cannot afford therapy during the Holiday season, you can receive the same gratification from eating Nutella right out of the jar. There is also a good chance your therapist will be on Holiday leave and your tiny humans are out exercising their adult decisions – wise or otherwise. Therefore, this would be a good time to grab the carton of ice cream from the freezer and curl up by the fire and watch a Hall Mark movie marathon.
- Know who deserves an explanation, who deserves one answer and those who deserve absolutely nothing. For an example, you may have recently decided to embrace your senior moments by allowing your gray hair to win the ongoing battle of age denial. Instead, your curiosity of what you would look like with gray hair takes over…after all, you have worked hard for the ever emerging gray streaks. Now you may decide you owe an explanation to your hair stylist since she has provided you her loyal services for several decades. Not to mention, she deserves fair warning when you will still be representing her work on the streets, as she agrees to help you transition into uncharted territory. Your mortified mother and children at least deserve a “because I want to” response. Anyone else may think you are losing grip with reality… when in fact you are embracing reality. Repeat after me: “THAT IS OK”.
- Those that are elevated require isolation. As previously mentioned, arrogant, egotistical, conceited and negative energy does not resonate well with me. Avoid such people and scenarios at all cost. If it cannot be avoided, look for Genie in your wine bottle. If she is not home, look for her in another wine bottle.
- Do not sit at the table where you will be the topic of conversation when you get up. This needs no further explanation.
- Anyone who does not think that money can bring happiness , can simply transfer it to my account. I am currently operating on insufficient funds…so no offer will be refused.
- If you are riding a horse and standing next to a giraffe with a lion chasing you, get your drunk ass off the carousel before you get hurt. Otherwise, you will not live long enough to chastise yourself for thinking you would actually like your new skunk tail look.
- Poor planning does not constitute an emergency response. That is unless of course you prepared lamb for Christmas Dinner…my emergency response will be to exit before my nose catches wind of your oversight.
- I get paid to be nice at work…do not expect that behavior away from the office, for FREE. In fact, if my presence should be required, do not expect me to make anything…except a scene…should Genie go on Christmas Vacation without telling me.
Homestead Memoirs 
You are so smart!
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